Reflecting on 300 columns, and not throwing towel in
HARK! Could that distant sound of gunfire possibly be the twenty-one gun salute in celebration of this column’s appearance number 300?
Alas no. The noise comes from troops called out to deal with the increasingly disaffected crowds protesting at the government’s welching on its vital climate change.
As Frazer would proclaim in Dad’s Army ‘we’re aall doomed!’
Meantime, this IS Column number 300 and thus let us pause for reflection.
March 28th 2020 was when the column first saw the light of day.
At that time, the piece was published six times a week and was only 250-words long as against in 2024 when it is published weekly and is between 600-700 words in length.
There have been various combinations along the route, but now it seems settled to a routine, though I’m hoping the word routine does not come to mind in the writing itself.
In that opening column, I wrote, ‘I’ll try and take a more offbeat look at what’s happening on Planet Corona’, not contemplating for one second that I would still be at it more than four years later and the virus, like that unwelcome last guest at a party come 4am, refuses to leave the premises.
The coronavirus is still here and moves amongst us, but for some reason the government seems now to have lost interest in publishing regular statistics.
Back in March 2020 we still had bank branches (yes, yes, nostalgic I know) and I wrote in the same opening article, ‘When else would I have been able to approach the (bank) counter while wearing a full face mask without a single person blinking an eye?’
The banks have long since decided we no longer need real branches on the High Street and lonely pensioners can no longer pop in and have a chat with a live human being at the counter.
Nor of course, draw out any money.
Such inconveniences no doubt cause little loss of sleep to those bank directors blissfully slumbering on their luxury yachts who give not a great deal of thought to lonely pensioners with no-one to talk to.
By the way, did I tell you I once heard of a bank director who was a director of twelve companies? He annually took a month’s holiday from each?
The reason I didn’t tell you is that I made it up.
Though many big financial institutions do stick ex-politicians on their board and pay them £80,00 a year.
The ex-politicians are not expected to do any work except be visible on the company notepaper and possibly make easier the acquiring of contracts.
This is called democracy in action and there was a lot of it about when the virus was doing its worst.
Despite having the vaccines, I’ve contracted the virus twice and on both occasions, for several days lived in a miserable state of isolated ill health.
What these occasions did not affect was the punctuality of the columns and despite me often feeling as lively as a fetid dishcloth, all deadlines were met.
Struggling to summon the creative energy for a 700-word column in such circumstances was not much fun and it was at such wretched times that I almost threw in the towel.
Though I was often left feeling so lousy, I didn’t have the energy to throw.
Most of us will have had the coronavirus at some stage, though I know a fair number of people who’ve escaped it entirely.
What is more maddening are those who have had no vaccines either; or others who have declined ever to wear a mask.
I realise that it is a while since I set eyes on some of these clever dicks and I wonder; could any of them possibly be dead?
Let us not dwell on such morbid thoughts. Happy 300 to me.
Planet Corona –the First One Hundred Columns, IRON Press, £8.00. ironpress@xlnmail.com