MY BEST TWITTER SPAT
Pop queen Ariana Grande came for me after I suggested female singers should desist from stripping off to sell records: ‘I use my talent AND my sexuality all the time because I choose to,’ she snapped. ‘Women can be sexual AND talented, naked AND dignified. It’s OUR choice & we will keep fighting til people understand. I say this w all due respect but thank u, next.’ ‘Hi Ariana!’ I responded. ‘Of course women can do what they like, but if they/you use nudity to sell their records to impressionable young female fans, I’ll continue to call them/you out on it. All due respect but thank YOU. Next.’ She wasn’t finished. ‘Also, Piers Morgan, I look forward to the day you realise there are other ways to go about making yourself relevant than to criticize young, beautiful successful women. I think that’ll be a beautiful thing for you and your career or what’s left of it.’ ‘Now now, young lady,’ I responded, ‘my career’s doing just fine thanks. For the record, I criticise/praise everyone – male, female, gender-fluid. Indeed, I’ve written columns praising and criticising you, and you deserved both.’ Ariana then tweeted a spoof ad I once did for Burger King in which I lay by a fire like Burt Reynolds in a loincloth and medallion to promote a beef-scented aftershave. ‘When you do it, it’s ok tho, right?’ she sneered. ‘Is that your screensaver?’ I asked. ‘Nah,’ she snapped, ‘and it ain’t ur girls’ either, I can promise u that.’ (Fact check: true.) Merry Christmas everyone – I’ll be back with my usual column on January 13.