My daugh­ter re­fuses to for­give me

The Mail on Sunday - You - - Your Problems Answered -

My 29-year-old daugh­ter has not spo­ken to me for nearly a year. She had a lovely childhood with a lovely house in this coun­try and a villa in France where we spent fam­ily hol­i­days. Her fa­ther was al­ways very in­dul­gent to her and her two younger sib­lings so she was rather spoilt. When she was 15, I dis­cov­ered my hus­band was see­ing an­other woman and I told him the mar­riage was over. He ended the af­fair im­me­di­ately and begged for my for­give­ness, but I in­sisted on a di­vorce. My daugh­ter was fu­ri­ous with me and it has not been an easy re­la­tion­ship since then. When she asked me to have her six-year-old daugh­ter for the week­end as she and her hus­band wanted to go away, I said that I could have her for one night but not two as I work full time. She swore at me and put the phone down. Why is she still so dif­fi­cult? This is not easy for you but it sounds as though she is still an­gry about the di­vorce. This is never easy for teenagers and chil­dren and, be­cause she was prob­a­bly close to her fa­ther, de­spite his un­faith­ful­ness she wanted you to for­give him and stay to­gether. Maybe af­ter the break-up she did not see as much of him as she wanted, or he found some­one else rather quickly and she felt left out, or there were some dra­matic lifestyle changes. Be­cause you have a dif­fi­cult re­la­tion­ship, she per­haps saw the fact that you could not have your grand­daugh­ter for the whole week­end as a lack of love on your part. You need to talk to her about all of this and how she felt at the time of the di­vorce, then ex­plain how much you love her and want to be there for her.

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