She doesn’t want me to be the father
My partner already has one son through IVF and she plans to go through another cycle in October. I would totally support her in this, but she says that she doesn’t want me to be the donor and that I wouldn’t be able to say that the child is ours, which I would find very difficult. She also maintains a close friendship with her previous partner and his parents. She has no contact with her own parents and sees his parents as her own in some way. Her previous relationship ended around three years ago. She doesn’t seek the same support from my parents who are desperate to form a closer bond with her. Whenever I comment on how often her ex comes round to play with her son (he is not the previous donor), I feel that she takes his feelings more into account than mine. We have been together about 18 months and we love each other. But since she decided to go through IVF again, that seems to be her sole focus and if I decide to go through it with her then fine, if not she will do it without me. You are with a woman whom you say loves you, yet she would rather use an anonymous donor than have a baby with you. This is not love. Does she want to have sole charge of the child if the relationship breaks down? Does she have trust issues? Does she consider you are not good enough to be the father of her child? Whatever her reasons, this would be incredibly unfair on you. If you stayed together, you would be bringing up a child and be the child’s father in every way, but not be allowed to say the child is yours. If she can’t see how hurtful and impossible this would be for you and the child, then she is not the right woman for you.