QUOTES of the week

‘He must feel like an ant scaling the Himalayas.’ Retail analyst Paul Thomas after Tesco boss Dave Lewis announced the supermarket chain’s record £6.4billion annual loss.

‘They hate people who get up early in the morning and work to get a business off the ground, they hate people who take risks, who earn money, who create jobs.’ Iain Duncan Smith launches a fierce attack on Labour’s ‘politics of envy’.

‘I guess dragon-slaying is a skill.’ Ukip’s Patrick O’Flynn says St George would have been admitted to Britain by the party as a skilled migrant.

‘Women in our society are compartmentalised so that we start to feel like we’re cut flowers, and after a while we will wilt.’ Hollywood star Charlize Theron urges people to stop judging women by their age.

‘What has all this “talent” done for us?’ Barclays shareholder Phil Clarke, paraphrases Monty Python to question the generous pay packages handed to the company’s top traders.

‘It’s the Woad to Recovery.’ London Mayor Boris Johnson reels off a pun while dipping his hands in blue paint on the Election campaign trail at a nursery school.

‘M74 delays due to dog taking control of tractor… nope, not joking.’ Tweet from Traffic Scotland after a farmer’s dog leaned on the controls, causing the machine to career on to the motorway.

‘The divorce-maker.’ Nickname given to an Ikea shelving unit that causes couples so much stress to assemble it puts their relationship in jeopardy.

‘I didn’t get down on one knee, because I don’t think I would have been able to get back up.’ 102-year-old George Kirby reveals why his marriage proposal to partner Doreen, 91, wasn’t completely traditional.

‘One Direction have nothing to fear from me.’ Ed Miliband, who has developed an unlikely fanbase of teenage girls on Twitter known as Milifandom.

‘If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?’ Donald Trump sparks a sexism storm with a tweet about the Democrat hopeful.