How CAN I stop dogs turning my bubbly boy into a nervous wreck?
THE PROBLEM
MY TWO-year-old son Felix is terrified of dogs. Whenever one approaches him, his whole body tenses and he starts screaming uncontrollably.
His phobia started a year ago and seems to be getting worse. e. It makes trips to the park and to see friends who have pets fraught because he gets so upset and spends the whole time clinging to me in fear.
But I have to admit that I’m not a fan of dogs either. In fact they have made me feel l extremely nervous since I was sa a child. Could it be my fault – having ving unconsciously passed my own phobia on to him?
THE ADVICE
The psychotherapist
AUDREY Sandbank, who has done extensive work with children who have phobias, says: ‘Phobias are a learned behaviour, picked up by children from those around them. Even if you aren’t overtly showing anxiety, Felix will realise you are tense, so you have to do some work to overcome your own fears too.
‘Also dogs are usually the same height as toddlers, which can make them seem overwhelming. And children find the unpredictability of their movement scary.
‘When you see a dog, lift Felix up so that he is higher than it, which will immediately give him more confidence. Then stretch out the back of your hand towards the dog and talk to it so Felix can see he has nothing to fear. If the dog remains calm, stroke him and your son will be further reassured that he is safe. It’s important to address the problem now so the phobia doesn’t stay with him throughout childhood.’
The paediatrician
PROFESSOR Alastair Sutcliffe, honorary consultant paediatrician at University College London Hospitals, London, says: ‘Although they may well have started speaking, toddlers still largely interpret the world through actions rather than words. So rather than simply telling Felix he has nothing to fear, try showing him through play instead.
‘Make a game out of the noises that dogs make and buy him toy dogs he can play with. Find a toddler-friendly film or television show that features children playing with animals so he can see they come to no harm. Next take him to see puppies, perhaps at a local farm.
‘When Felix seems more comfortable, take him to see a friend with a gentle dog. Hopefully he will see he is capable of interacting with a dog and his confidence will grow.’
The older generation
MY MOTHER Mary Hoyle, 68, says: ‘I wouldn’t go out of my way to introduce him to dogs – it will put him through unnecessary stress and seems like an unnatural way of tackling the problem.
‘Instead, point out any dogs you see and encourage Felix to wave and say hello. Hold his hand and reassure him if they come near, but don’t automatically pick him up the second he starts crying as that suggests he has something to fear.’
WHAT ANTONIA
DID NEXT
I REALISED I needed to feign an affection for dogs if Felix was to stand any chance of tackling his phobia. I took out several story books from our local library featuring dogs and made a point of telling Felix how friendly they looked as we read them together. Encouraged, I arranged for Felix to visit a rehoming centre run by the charity Dogs Trust.
My heart sank as we arrived at the door and Felix started screaming. But after watching his big sister Rosie stroke some of the dogs, he calmed down. An hour later, he was relaxed enough to walk up to Beth, a German shepherd puppy, and leave a dog biscuit at her paws, and then chattered to a greyhound.
I feel sure that with enough support from me, he will soon overcome his phobia.