QUOTES of the week

‘All Americans must be accompanied by an adult.’ Sign outside a London pub after voters elected Donald Trump as their next President.

‘Aberdeenshire business owner wins presidential election.’ Buchan Observer finds a local angle to the shock result – Mr Trump owns a golf course in the area.

‘The bar may have looked like the Swiss Alps before – now it looks like Holland.’ Twitter user Tony Mathews joins the chorus of disapproval following a change in the design of Toblerone.

‘I wanted it to be a low-key thing, so looking at it from that point of view it’s been a bit of a disaster.’ British chef Chris Wright hoped for a quieter life by opening a small restaurant in rural France – until it was crowned best village bistro.

‘Men don’t know what it’s like to wear uncomfortable shoes – they turn you into a monster.’ Shoe designer Tamara Mellon hits out at her male rivals for making women suffer.

‘Orf we jolly well go.’ Jimmy Young’s famous catchphrase. The legendary broadcaster died last week, aged 95.

‘I did daydream about wearing a loincloth and chasing Carol Vorderman with a spear, but I’m fussy about food.’ Tory MP Michael Fabricant, who reluctantly turned down a chance to appear on reality show I’m A Celebrity.

‘Is it appropriate, in this age of inclusion, for middle-aged women to be ridiculed by blokes in skirts and too much make-up? Is it, in fact, a form of sexism?’ Actress Caroline Quentin questions why the pantomime dame is still played by a man.

‘Some people try to sue us after the show, but never before!’ Alex Jones, as she welcomes guest Sir Cliff Richard on to BBC1’s The One Show – the pop star is taking action against the Corporation.