I didn’t ask what Mum wanted when she was able to tell me

AFTER the ordeal of sorting a lasting power of attorney for his mother, Peter Matthews is determined his five adult children will have a different experience should he need their help in future.

Peter, 66, who is married to Jayne, 61, and lives in Hartley Wintney, Hampshire, was appointed power of attorney for his mother Doreen Tacchi in 2007.

The family paid solicitors more than £1,000 for the service, which Peter says ‘struck me as expensive for a piece of paper’.

Despite this fee, in 2014 he learned the papers had not been registered with the Office of the Public Guardian. He never knew this was necessary.

In the seven years between 2007 and 2014, Doreen had been diagnosed with dementia. It is still possible to register power of attorney after diagnosis – but only if the person understands what is happening.

Peter says: ‘We had to ask my mother to sign, consenting to it being registered. Mum’s dementia by this stage was much worse.

‘It took time and many attempts but finally when Mum looked me in the eyes and said, “So you are after my money then” and winked, I knew she understood.’

The experience had a profound impact on Peter. He says: ‘I didn’t ask Mum what she wanted years ago when she would have been able to tell me, I just did what I thought was best for her.

‘You think your parents’ financial business is their own, but really it is yours too and one day you may need to take control. There needs to be an open dialogue between parents and children so everyone is prepared for whatever is around the corner.’