Check out my £1,000 SHOPPING BAG!

and you thought supermarket ‘bags for life’ were pricey!

WHAT’S this? A cacophony of famous women are suddenly photographed out and about carrying shopping bags the size of hippos. This despite the fact the brand they wield, Goyard, has until now been the most mysterious in the universe: it doesn’t advertise, give interviews or even have a press office in the UK.

What we are seeing, of course, is a charm offensive that means the French trunk maker is poised to go global with its luggage, including the suddenly ubiquitous £980-£1,140 St Louis tote.

Fashion cognoscenti will know the bag offensive is part of a classic three-prong approach. First, shower the right celebs (see our selection on the right) with freebies. Then get editorial in the right magazines (such as Goyard’s recent full-page report in Vogue, featuring its canvas and leather holdall at £2,290, a £3,310 vanity case and suitcases from £3,505). And, thirdly, sponsor an exclusive event, leaving a little something on guests’ pillows which they can later post pictures of themselves hugging on Instagram. Lo and behold, Goyard is one of the highend sponsors, along with RollsRoyce and Dom Perignon, of the 50th birthday celebrations of Hotel Byblos in St Tropez this summer.

The proof of the pudding (not that any of these women eat dessert) is whether something that at first sight resembles a Tesco Bag For Life is worth it.

I’m afraid it is. The trademark chevrons are almost impossible to fake, so everyone will know you can afford the real thing. The bags are animal friendly, soft, waterproof and become more beautiful with age.

While Vuitton is ubiquitous even in the most provincial airports, the St Louis totes feel new and exclusive. Crucially, you can only buy the bags from Goyard stores, such as the one in Mayfair. Goyard simply doesn’t do e-commerce. And you don’t get more exclusive than that…

BINKY FELSTEAD BAG: Length of strap on this grey one means you can hang it over a shoulder as long as you don’t overfill it. CONTENTS: Invitations to her baby shower – Made in Chelsea, of course HARPER BECKHAM BAG: Victoria’s fashion plate mini-me has a mini-Goyard Yona geometric, from £1,000 CONTENTS: Sushi, pencils, Gucci compass, Prada protractor

GWYNETH PALTROW BAG: The big sky-blue St Louis tote – a whopping £1,140 CONTENTS: Looks heavy, probably Gwynnie’s water bottle, coconut oil and wholesome macrobiotic snacks.

BAG: Green version gives pop of colour against all that grey, and proof you bought the most expensive shade. CONTENTS: A coat, in case it turns chilly. And it is, of course, another thrilling shade of pale grey BAG: How not to effortlessly carry the dark grey model. CONTENTS: Overstuffed with paraphernalia, no doubt including husband Jamie’s dirty football kit MICHELLE COLLINS BAG: The orange version. Inappropriate stars getting hold of your bags is a big problem for luxury brands. Did she, gasp, buy her own? CONTENTS: Old EastEnders scripts, the receipt? TRINNY WOODALL LOUISE REDKNAPP KIM KARDASHIAN BAG: Classic black St Louis tote, to go with classic black puffa jacket and outfit CONTENTS: Baby North West’s baby gear. In classic black.

MEGHAN MARKLE BAG: Understated light grey for the newly discreet Royal girlfriend. CONTENTS: Looks chunky – a Royal Protection Officer in disguise?

DARCEY BUSSELL BAG: The canary yellow version, a key colour on catwalks earlier this month. Shame the brand no longer makes a baby pink. CONTENTS: Strictly for ballet pumps and tutu