QUOTES of the week

‘And if I do, will you please pray for my immortal soul?’ Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg, after being accosted and told to ‘f*** off and die’.

‘My parents cared for you, treated you like a son. You repaid them with destruction and heartache.’ Lydia Wilkinson’s message to Aaron Barley, who killed her mother and brother despite the family taking him in off the streets.

‘Wow! That soup should be in a museum rather than a food bank.’ Heinz tweets after a 46-year-old tin of its kidney soup was donated in Cardiff.

‘Boris asked me to give you this.’ Prankster Simon Brodkin hands Theresa May a mock P45 during her Tory Conference speech.

‘I haven’t got time to die.’ Bake Off judge Prue Leith, who, at 77, is as busy as ever.

‘The smell of toast on the school run is amazing.’ Chef Jamie Oliver, who has had a toaster, slow cooker and pasta-maker fitted to his Land Rover Discovery.

‘I remember Stephen Fry trying to have an orgy in his room. It wasn’t successful – no one took their clothes off.’ Actress Emma Thompson recalls her time at Cambridge with her fellow Footlights star.

‘An act of pure evil.’ Donald Trump after gunman Stephen Paddock killed more than 50 people and injured 500 others in Las Vegas.

‘I found myself up a mountain, with boobs engorged and no way of getting down to feed my baby. It was like someone had stamped on my heart.’ The Crown star Claire Foy says that being unable to breastfeed was the worst mistake of her life.