QUOTES of the week

‘Academics are biased in favour of gravity, the existence of the moon and not standing in the path of oncoming trains.’ Philosophy don A. C. Grayling, after a Tory MP sparked a bias storm by asking professors what they teach about Brexit. ‘I haven’t decided to run but I’ve decided I’m not going to decide not to run.’ Former US Vice-President Joe Biden gets in a tangle when asked if he is considering a White House campaign for 2020. ‘To gluttons, dessert is always worth the weight.’ Robert Eddison, whose new book Wisdom & Wordplay contains 300 original aphorisms. ‘Did you take a piece of the moon and bring it home?’ Amanda Holden blunders as she quizzes astronaut Tim Peake. The last moon walk was in 1972 – the year Tim was born. ‘I haven’t watched the news for ages and I won’t start again until John Major resigns.’ Pointless host Richard Osman takes a head-in-the-sand approach to current affairs. ‘I don’t know how it goes in as a carrot and comes out the way it does. It’s a horror film.’ New father George Clooney, whose four-month-old twins are now eating solids. ‘If you watched Titus Andronicus twice a day you’d be fine in terms of your heart. Mentally, I’m not so sure.’ Royal Shakespeare Company spokesman after researchers found watching the Bard’s bloodiest play was equivalent to a five-minute cardio workout. ‘I got a free meal and they said I could run up and down the plane.’ Karon Grieve, who was the only passenger on a flight to Crete. ‘There’s nothing about me that’s natural. I like to look as plastic and fake as possible.’ Star Delguidice, who has spent more than £200,000 on cosmetic surgery.