My father’s right at home in the jungle

EVERYONE kindly asks me how my father is getting on in the jungle on I’m A Celebrity... Well, so far he’s been excused the high dive on medical grounds, and only done the Dingo Dollar Trial to win meal tickets, so no bushtuckering yet. He seems to be taking it in his stride, as I predicted he would last week: making bad puns, pretending not to know what Coronation Street is or who Ant and Dec are, and talking about the things he loves most – endangered species, and the last remaining wildernesses on this Blue Planet. I think he’s giving a jolly good audition to be commercial telly’s David Attenborough. He looks healthy and well – and, best of all, it’ll all be over by Christmas.