QUOTES of the week

‘It was not just the processes and procedures that were lacking but moral leadership.’ Aid Secretary Penny Mordaunt blasts Oxfam over the Haiti sex scandal.

‘I firmly believe in the right of Canadians to bare arms.’ Canadian politician Michelle Rempel after a former prime minister claimed female newsreaders who go sleeveless on TV ‘undermine their credibility’.

‘This bloke came into my shop and started throwing cheese at me. I thought, “How dairy.” ’ Twitter user Matt Burfield’s offering on UK Pun Day.

‘If he scores another few, then I’ll be Muslim too.’ New chant by Liverpool fans – to the tune of Dodgy’s Good Enough – in honour of their brilliant Egyptian striker Mo Salah.

‘Sorry if my chins offended you. I chose to feed my baby healthily and not starve myself to look good.’ Call The Midwife’s Helen George to trolls who ‘fat-shamed’ her

‘I had zero insecurities before I became a singer – and I was born with ginger hair.’ Ed Sheeran, who says he felt pressure to slim down early in his career.

‘A man must take care of a woman he has invited to a party, but he should never pour her gravy without permission.’ Advice in a Victorian book on sex and flirting, unearthed by historians at Exeter University.

‘Had eight cards… Was so excited but when I opened them they were all from women. Bloody hell, don’t they know.’ Rugby referee Nigel Owens, who came out as gay in 2007, laments his bad luck on Valentine’s Day.

‘This programme is like Blue Planet but with people. We see them alone and then we see them walk in and bam! Love is born.’ Fred Sirieix likens his First Dates show to the BBC blockbuster.