DADDIES’ GIRL
Donna Air on the father figures who keep her sane
ISTILL find it unbelievable that my father had me at 18 – he was just a boy really. My parents met at 14 and as childhood sweethearts they built their lives together. My dad, Trevor, is an engineer and undiscovered rock star. He was a bit of a hippy, loved his drums and his motorbikes (still does).
I absorbed his love of music, which definitely secured my MTV gig aged 17. He taught me how to fly a plane and play a paradiddle drum rhythm ( no good unless I want to join a rock band).
When I called him aged 19 to announce that my boyfriend at the time was taking me on his Harley-Davidson, I was expecting him to be appalled, but he simply said: ‘Cool, that’s nice pet, but always remember – lean with the bike!’ And this has proved to be the most valuable life lesson of all.
He was always affectionate (still is) and as a girl I remember being thrown about and tickled.
They were simpler times. Some men now feel confused. Can’t they give a girl or woman a hug who isn’t their daughter?
HE’S the only man who has been with me my whole life and knows he’s irreplaceable. When I want that connection, when I need my real dad, he’ll always be there to dance in the garden and talk for hours over his endless record collection.
Yet how a man is going to be when he becomes a father to your child involves a certain element of luck. Damian Aspinall, the father of my daughter Freya, is a really good one, so I guess on that front I got lucky, although I didn’t overthink it all back then – I just fell in love.
The older I get, the more thankful I am that my daughter enjoys a really close relationship with her father. She obviously adores him and he has always been reliable, yet I know from other single parents that it isn’t always the case.
So while you don’t get everything in life, I’ve never had that worry – if Damian makes a plan with Freya, he’s always there. When I hear my daughter on the phone to him, I can see how she benefits from getting a different perspective on life. While I always offer a no-nonsense approach (it must be my Northern roots) he gives a wiser, more measured and indulgent point of view.
When I became a single mum 12 years ago, I somehow ended up with numerous father figures to support me. Of course, I’m an independent woman but there’s no shame in reaching out to people you trust, to guide you while you make your own decisions.
If someone is kind enough to offer you their expertise then why not learn from it? First into the circle of trust was my therapist Richard, who I talk to about emotional matters and who helps me keep my personal housekeeping in good order. He has taught me how to understand other people and to understand myself.
In the early years after my sepa- ration, I found it incredibly helpful to have neutral counsel in a safe space where I could seek advice at a time when life felt overwhelming. Sometimes you just need words of encouragement to make sure you’re on the right track or someone to say you’re doing the right thing
when you can’t see t he wood for the trees. He jokes with me now that I’ve got so many t ools I’ m like a ninja. My whole way of thinking changed around that time too and my focus turned to building a stable home and future for my daughter and me. Step forward the brilliant man I call my financial dad, Rod, who has taught me the power of a five-year plan and working backwards. When it comes to my business projects, I have successful business mentors and father figures such as Mark, who has inspired and guided me, so I’m always learning in a practical sense. And then there’s my money father, James. He always wants the best for me and ultimately believed in me when the computer was saying no. It’s so touching to see Freya with her grandfather – my teenager turns into my lovely cuddly little girl again. ‘You were not always an easy teenager,’ my father reminds me. And somehow we always return to the bike: life is full of twists and turns and if you don’t lean with the bike and adapt to changes, then you simply fall off, right?
THANKS TO HIM I CAN FLY A PLANE AND PLAY A DRUM RHYTHM – HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME