QUOTES of the week

‘A biblical disaster.’

Panos Skourletis, Greek interior minister, after fires near Athens killed at least 83 people.

‘East Fife 4, Forfar 5.’ Real penalty shoot-out score replicates comedian

Eric Morecambe’s famous football one-liner.

‘I have friends and people I’ve worked with who look as if they’ve been shot out of a cannon.’

Actor Robson Green on the effects of plastic surgery, which he says he avoids.

‘If I can’t handle a bacon sandwich, I don’t think I can handle a flat tyre.’ Former Labour leader Ed Miliband reveals that he couldn’t change a tyre on his car.

‘Being a great believer in Scottish tradition, I followed my fellow countrymen and moved to England.’

Rory Bremner explains why he left his homeland – at the same time managing to insult it.

‘I have been disgusted, busted and not to be trusted while drinking.’

Actor Sir Antony Hopkins waxes lyrical as he reveals he is seeking treatment for his drink problem.

‘You know it’s time to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says: One at a time, please.’

TV presenter Jo Brand sees the funny side of her ongoing struggle with her weight.

‘I am German when we win, but I’m an immigrant when we lose.’

Arsenal star Mezut Ozil, left, of Turkish descent, quits the Germany team after receiving hate mail and threats following their World Cup exit.

‘I sent her a message – one small step for woman, one giant leap for woman kind’

Former Doctor Who Sylvester McCoy congratulates Jodie Whittaker, right, on taking over the role.