QUOTES of the week

‘He said if he wanted to be sipping champagne with toffee-nosed, floppy-haired public schoolboys, he’d be off running Momentum.’ Spectator editor Fraser Nelson jokes why Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell could not accept the Politician of the Year award in person.

‘As my ever-sensitive wife Bella pointed out, “That’s pretty much a whole Waldorf salad.” ’ DJ Mark Radcliffe after remarking he had growths the size of walnuts, apples and grapes removed from his tongue and throat.

‘Two body-positive ladies.’ Dabbers Bingo Hall in London uses a new politically correct call in place of ‘Two fat ladies, 88’.

‘I’m a Geordie – I’m not a very tough Geordie, but I thought, “I’m not taking that.” ’ Ross Leonard, who fought off muggers armed with a machete.

‘The Victorian era called and they want you back ASAP.’ Rebekah Vardy reacts after a Twitter critic said she had ‘too much on show’ – she had posted a snap of her legs before a smear test.

‘Keep Gibraltar but don’t do this, please.’ Spaniard David Irritans reacts to news that supermarket Morrisons is to sell a savoury version of the sugary snack churros.

‘One [place] was called Trumpington and the other was Six Mile Bottom. Which one would you have chosen?’ Baroness Trumpington, who died last week aged 96, on why she selected the Cambridgeshire village for her title when ennobled.

‘Suddenly a movement to centre survivors of sexual violence is being talked about as a vindictive plot against men.’ Tarana Burke says the MeToo campaign she founded a decade ago is now ‘unrecognisable’ to her.

‘A lot of grunting with someone who’s become your brother over the last few weeks.’ Actress Hayley Atwell is no fan of sex scenes.