Stunning Stacey storms Strictly!
AND so, after 13 weeks, 30 million sequins, 52 leotards, 97 jazz hands, 27 blisters, 52 barbs from Bruno, 47 ‘Darlings’ from Craig, and one extra consonant in the name of contestant Sean(n) Walsh – who kissed a girl and earned the wrath of the nation – we finally had the Fantastic Four:
Faye Tozer, 43, of Steps, who certainly knows some steps; Joe Sugg, a 27-year-old YouTube sensation with the bathos of Bambi; Ashley Roberts, a 37-year-old former Pussycat Doll, with as much drive as Madonna; and Stacey Dooley, the bookies’ favourite, a 31-year-old BBC presenter.
Each contestant had to dance three times in last night’s final: performing a showdance, a judges’ pick, and the couple’s favourite turn of the series.
The judges could comment and vote – best insight of the night, from Shirley Ballas: ‘It’s not been a walk in the park’ – but their opinion held no sway, as it all went down to a People’s Vote.
Tess was in an asymmetric toga; either that, or someone slammed her dress in the door of the limo. Claudia was in a tux and so much eye make-up, someone really should give her some bamboo.
But these two certainly have chemistry, which is more than can be said for Ashley and Pasha, however sensationally they danced. If this couple went to bed, they’d have cocoa.
Stacey and Kevin’s showdance was a let-down. I could feel all the women at home saying: ‘I could do that after a few port and lemons.’
Joe, a shy young man who had never danced before, smashed a guitar onstage. He had eight million teenagers on his side: some voted over 100 times each.
Faye gave it 200 per cent and her dances were pure Ginger Rogers-class. First goosebumps of the series. My winner, for sure.
Stacey suffered an apparent wardrobe malfunction when her skirt lifted above her hips, but after uproar on social media, one member of the public tweeted: ‘Calm down Twitter. Stacey Dooley was wearing knickers.’
And Bruno gaffed when he described Stacey and Kevin’s jive as ‘a medley of Stacey’s greatest t**s’ – only to be met with laughter
from the pair. This was nearly three hours of old-fashioned, extrovert, retro entertainment. And while the series had some sensational dancing, this final was not a classic – no stand-out star like Alesha Dixon, no fall-woman like Ann Widdecombe, no natural comic like Ed Balls.
Strictly needs to reinvent itself, with more spontaneity from Tess and a more interesting line-up: no TV presenters, please.
I hear that Theresa May might be available. Her turn at the Tory Party conference makes her a shoo-in, surely…