What the elk is Karen on about?

MINISTERS were left baffled after a bizarre contribution to last week’s Brexitcrisis Cabinet meeting by Karen Bradley. ‘If you’re on a sled in the Arctic being attacked by wolves, you don’t just throw them one bit of elk,’ advised the Northern Ireland Secretary, amid puzzled looks. Pals say Bradley was quoting a well-known book on how to negotiate. ‘Never heard of it,’ says a colleague. Neither has Dog.

MICHAEL GOVE let rip at uncompromising hard-Brexit colleagues at the seven-hour meeting. ‘I want to be the next James Bond,’ declared the Environment Secretary. ‘But it’s not going to happen.’ Pals of Boris Johnson disagree, saying: ‘Given how he finished off BoJo’s last leadership bid in 2016, we thought he had a licence to kill already.’

THE Brexit-crisis Cabinet began with a presentation by party chairman Brandon Lewis on the pros and cons of Mrs May calling an Election. ‘To be honest, there were no pros,’ said Dog’s mole. ‘As a morale-sapping, confidence-draining message to persuade us of the utter insanity of going to the country, it was a magnificent effort by Brandon.’ Assuming the PM got the message, that is.