QUOTES of the week

‘We’ll have two – maximum!’

Prince Harry

pledges to keep his family small to help combat global population growth.

‘There’s not even a model windmill to putt through. Total embarrassment!’

Twitter user

with a tongue-in-cheek message after Rochester Cathedral installed a crazy golf course in the nave.

‘Boosterism.’

Boris Johnson’s

new phrase to sum up his economic philosophy.

‘I can say I have sat on Delia Smith all the way to Lowestoft.’

Monty Python star Sir Michael Palin,

who has travelled on a locomotive named in honour of the TV chef.

‘Ugly Betty.’ School nickname given to Bhasha Mukherjee, the junior doctor who was last week crowned Miss England.

‘I want them to feel terror at the thought of committing offences.’

New Home Secretary Priti Patel

vows to return to zerotolerance policing.

‘A bunch of sequins makes you feel good.’

Pop star Harry Styles

is proud of his outlandish fashion choices.

‘Enjoying spending a little extra time with the ovens.’

Former Communities Secretary James Brokenshire,

who was famously pictured in his four-oven kitchen, has more time on his hands since being fired from the Cabinet.

‘It’s not all high drama and glory. The day-to-day job is staring down a horse’s throat and sticking your hands up a cow’s behind.’

Royal Veterinary College chief Baroness Young

tries to temper the expectations of new recruits following the success of TV shows such as The Supervet.

‘Think Maggie Smith’s Miss Jean Brodie crossed with Alex Salmond after he lost the Scottish independence referendum.’

Commentator Iain Martin

describes Nicola Sturgeon’s demeanour as she greets the new PM.