TOMORROW

is the biggest day in the toffs’ social calendar – and for some it’s set to be an utter disaster. It is The Glorious Twelfth, the start of the shooting season, but countless grouse chicks have had the audacity to die before poshos have had the chance to blow them out of the sky.

Shoots are expected be called off at estates across the country after months of bizarre weather events led to poor grouse being frozen to death one minute and fried the next. There has also been a heat-induced outbreak of deadly Heather Beetle destroying moorland habitats.

With shoots already cancelled in Derbyshire, the North Pennines and Scotland, poshos across the land may actually have to go into the office tomorrow morning. The horror!