QUOTES of the week

‘What do you think the chances of this are… zero or minus zero?’ John Humphrys asks Labour MP Rebecca Long-Bailey for her reaction to Jeremy Corbyn’s offer to become caretaker Prime Minister.

‘Isn’t it funny that the Asians have moved into Downing Street? How far the world has changed in a positive way.’ Zubaida Javid’s response when her son Sajid told her he had been promoted to Chancellor and would be moving into No 11.

‘The most popular Royal of a younger generation for 100 years. Then he met Meghan Markle and it’s fallen off a cliff.’ Nigel Farage has a pop at Prince Harry during an anti-Royal speech in Australia.

‘I’m not condoning the inappropriate stuff, the harassment, but you’re actually using the fact that the guys are thinking: I’m drawn to her, there’s chemistry, there’s animal magnetism.’ Greta Scacchi, 59, risks the wrath of MeToo campaigners in the film industry.

‘Freak yachting accidents do happen in August.’ Brexit Party financier Arron Banks’s cruel jibe after teenage climate activist Greta Thunberg set sail for America on a carbon-neutral yacht.

‘Barcelona isn’t Bombay.’ Deputy mayor Jaume Collboni, who wants to cut the estimated 2,000 tourist rickshaws clogging up the Spanish city.

‘I’ve loved being a single mum. I could spend time with my daughter during the week and have long lie-ins at the weekends when she’s with her dad. I’d recommend leaving your partner for that life.’ Comedian Katherine Ryan’s take on single motherhood.

‘They had already tried to incubate a f ish and a stone, so the zookeepers decided to give them an egg.’ Anna Ohl of Berlin Zoo after gay king penguins Skipper and Ping adopted another penguin’s unhatched egg.