QUOTES of the week

‘I’ve never signed anything with a “t” on it before. I don’t know if I can handle this one.’ President Trump as he approves a $2.2 trillion coronavirus relief package.

‘This is not a holiday, it’s a lockdown, which means you don’t just come here and sunbathe.’ Police officer uses a megaphone to appeal to crowds to disperse in Shepherd’s Bush, West London, a day after the Government introduced lockdown measures.

‘Somewhere in Whitehall right now there’s a civil servant trying to figure out what the hell to do with 500k volunteers...’ Former Whitehall aide Sam Freedman as people enlist in an NHS army to fight coronavirus.

‘No toilet rolls kept here overnight.’ Sign spotted on a plumber’s van as panic-buying continues.

‘For all of you worried that I don’t look well, it’s probably because I’ve started doing my own make-up.’ Newsreader Mary Nightingale as nonessential workers remain at home.

‘We need to look at our homes as a sanctuary rather than a prison, a place of contemplation and meditation rather than a time of enforced inactivity.’ Lady Carnarvon whose Highclere Castle is Downton Abbey, tells how the other half cope.

‘It is possible that this ends with a whimper, not a bang.’ Sunetra Gupta of Oxford University, who suggests that more than half of the UK population has already been infected.

‘Jesus in active wear.’ Description of fitness guru Joe Wicks, who is leading youngsters in a daily online PE lesson.

‘This bringing up humans, I hate it… Acting is a walk in the park compared to it.’ Sherlock actress Amanda Abbington says being a mother is her most difficult role.