QUOTES of the week

‘I don’t lose too much sleep over the ludicrous fact that I’ve won more Oscars than Leonardo DiCaprio, Cary Grant and Alfred Hitchcock put together.’

Lyricist Sir Tim Rice, who has three golden statuettes, is in modest mood.

‘When we enter the workforce, we fall off a humour cliff. And we don’t start laughing again until 70. So that’s 47 very serious years.’ Professor Jennifer Aaker, of Stanford University, says starting work seriously affects our ability to have fun.

‘When pouring limoncello, the best place is the sink.’ Richard Kerley, of Edinburgh, in a letter to The Times.

‘Can you slow down? The mayor’s wife has a hair appointment.’ Round-the-world sailor Sir Robin Knox-Johnston reveals the odd reason why his triumphant return to Falmouth 50 years ago had to be delayed.

‘Our marriage is strong and we’re very much still together. Thank you.’ Note by Dominic West and his wife Catherine after the actor was pictured getting close to his costar Lily James.

‘Oh no! Her diet has just cost us £10,000.’ Spitting Image creative director Roger Law reacts after being forced to discard the waxwork model of Adele following her 7st weight loss.

‘Suburban women, will you please like me? I saved your damn neighbourhood.’ Donald Trump bids to woo a key demographic in the battleground state of Pennsylvania.

‘I was planning to celebrate with 20,000 at the Royal Albert Hall but Covid came and I’ve had to whittle those numbers down somewhat. So now I’ve got six.’

Sir Cliff Richard is unhappy about having to curtail his 80th birthday

celebrations.