QUOTES of the week

‘Stop being so damn stupid. You just get on and have it.’ Former diplomat Michael Tibbs, 99, demonstrates a no-nonsense attitude to Covid jab doubters.

‘The taming of the flu.’ Internet meme after William Shakespeare, 81, became one of the first to be vaccinated on Tuesday.

‘Dear all. I’m an idiot.’ Sky News star Kay Burley apologises to colleagues after she broke lockdown rules. She was suspended for six months.

‘You run a tight ship here, Ursula, and quite right too.’ Boris Johnson, who was ticked off by Ursula von der Leyen for getting too close to her at Brexit talks.

‘It’s like turning up to hear Pavarotti sing and finding out he has laryngitis.’ The voice of golf Peter Alliss, who died last week aged 89, lamenting an out-of-form Tiger Woods at the 2002 Open.

‘My wife does amazing things. She gets journalists out of jail in countries like Azerbaijan. But when it comes to cooking, she makes reservations.’ George Clooney admits that his lawyer wife Amal isn’t perfect.

‘Bye Gran.’

Prince William to the Queen as she waved him and Kate off from Windsor Castle at the end of the couple’s UK tour.

‘Everyone at EastEnders looked up to her, which physically wasn’t the easiest thing to do because she was tiny.’

Actor Larry Lamb pays tribute to his on-screen wife Dame Barbara Windsor, who died last week aged 83.

‘I have no recollection of winning the World Cup in 2003, or of being in Australia for the tournament.’ Former England rugby star Steve Thompson, who has been diagnosed with early-onset dementia at 42.

‘Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? There was no Zoom at the inn.’

One of this year’s top Christmas cracker jokes, as compiled by TV channel Gold.