QUOTES of the week

‘So I’m not getting a vaccine next week – was feeling weird about why I’d been selected ahead of others so rang GP to check. Turns out they had my height as 6.2cm rather than 6ft 2in, giving me a BMI of 28,000.’

Liam Thorp solves the mystery of why he had been offered a

Covid jab aged 32.

‘I think people would crawl across the snow naked to get a vaccine at the moment.’ Pimlico Plumbers boss Charlie Mullins, who is planning a ‘no jab, no job’ policy for new employees.

‘It’s so American to call it “Perseverance”. In the UK we’d call it “Attempt.” ’ Comedian Dave Chawner as Nasa’s latest probe searching for life on Mars lands.

‘He looks straight into your soul and fixes people.’ Kerry Irving on springer spaniel Max, awarded an animal OBE after helping thousands of people as a ‘therapet’ during lockdown.

‘I hate shopping from the depths of my soul. I went into Topshop once and thought I was going to die.’ Actress Sheila Hancock who admits she looks like a ‘bag lady’ thanks to her ‘filthy corduroys and terrible old jumper’.

‘We can all live a life of service. Service is universal.’ The Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s riposte after Buckingham Palace announced they will not be returning as working members of the Royal Family.

‘Those who iron their tea towels are not wasting their lives, they are creating order and providing themselves with free therapy.’

Kirstie Allsopp sparks a fierce Twitter debate on the subject.

‘BigTech companies think they are bigger than governments and that the rules should not apply to them. They may be changing the world, but that doesn’t mean they run it.’ Australian PM Scott Morrison after Facebook blocked Australians from accessing and sharing news in a row over paying for content.