WILL THEY NEVER LEARN?
England’s debacle at Adelaide is the mirror image of flop at the Gabba
IF THE definition of insanity, said Einstein, is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result, then England’s cricketers clearly need to swot up on their aphorisms.
To the dismay of their supporters, who are beginning to wonder how bad the damage will be once the Ashes end in mid-January, their travails on the third day of the second Test at Adelaide mirrored almost exactly those of the first at Brisbane.
At the Gabba, a third-wicket stand of 162 between Dawid Malan and Joe Root was followed by a collapse of eight for 74. Now, the same pair added 138, only for England to throw away eight for 86. Australia are eyeing a 2-0 lead, from which the chances of an English comeback belong in cloud cuckoo land.
But it was the circumstances of their latest surrender that made events at Adelaide Oval so hard to take. In the best batting conditions of the match, against an attack missing Pat Cummins and Josh Hazlewood, Malan and Root spent the first session making Australia look mortal, turning England’s overnight 17 for two into a positively giddy 140 for two by the dinner break. For the first time in the Test, they had enjoyed the better of a session.
The left-handed Malan occasionally got into trouble trying to cut Nathan Lyon’s off-breaks, but otherwise his alliance with Root suggested there was little to fear. Michael Neser and Jhye Richardson are worthy enough, but Cummins and Hazlewood they are not. And as both England’s batsmen ticked off a half-century, thoughts turned to whether either might hang around until the evening, when the lights come on and the ball begins to swerve.
Honestly, we should have known better. After the break, Australia settled on an accurate alliance: the 6ft 6in all-rounder Cameron Green at one end, Lyon at the other. Maiden by maiden — and there were six in succession — they regained control. Disastrously for England, the sequence included the wicket of Root, unsettled by Green’s bounce and poking low to Steve Smith at slip.
This year, Root’s every visit to the middle has been accompanied by a welter of stats. And sure enough, his 62 here took him to 1,606 runs in 2021, the fourth-highest tally by a Test batsman in a calendar year.
But there was another stat, and it still haunts him: Root remains without a Test hundred in Australia, after eight fifties in 20 innings and an average of 40. Unless he starts converting those half-centuries, England’s Ashes hopes will go from slim to none.
His demise was the catalyst for a familiar, predictable capitulation. Malan, after reaching the 80s again, tried to cut one from Mitchell Starc that was too close for the stroke, and gave Smith a third catch in the slips — another area where Australia have comfortably held the upper hand.
Ollie Pope was once more a bundle of hyperactivity against Lyon, eventually squeezing him to short leg for five, and when Jos Buttler drove loosely at Starc to depart for a 15-ball duck, England had slipped from 150 for two to 169 for six. The floodlights were yet to come on.
To make matters worse, Ben Stokes — strokeless against Lyon — appeared troubled by the left knee he jarred at Brisbane, reducing his mobility and raising fresh concerns about his prospects of lasting the course all the way to the fifth Test in Hobart.
Chris Woakes whacked a few fours off Richardson, but was tamely bowled by Lyon, who then won a marginal leg-before shout against Ollie Robinson. Stokes briefly hit out, launching Lyon over square leg for six, but on 34 chopped on against Green. And there was time for Stuart Broad to be hit on the chin by Richardson. If it wasn’t insult, it was injury. Scenting blood, the Australians did not let up.
Armed with a lead of 237, Smith opted not to enforce the follow-on, preferring instead to extend his side’s advantage. They added 45 for the loss of David Warner, run out for 13 after a mix-up with Marcus Harris. England, by now 278 behind, barely had the energy to celebrate.
Frankly, they have little to be cheerful about. For the second Test in a row, they have picked the wrong attack, plumping for Woakes ahead of the dangerous Mark Wood. And, for the second successive visit to Adelaide, they have bowled too short, apparently petrified of being driven.
Not only that, but their treatment this year of Jack Leach left them with no frontline spinner on a surface that has always helped Lyon, and in the last over of the third evening provided plenty of assistance to Root. Ignored throughout the home summer after he was easily England’s leading wickettaker in six winter Tests in Sri Lanka and India, Leach was a lamb to the slaughter at the Gabba, and thus unselectable here.
As if to rub it all in, seven English wickets fell to a combination of Starc, Australia’s quickest bowler, and Lyon, their off-spinner. England’s diet of five right-arm fastmedium seamers, plus Root’s off-breaks, were food and drink for the home batsmen.
Even the Australians’ captaincy dramas have ultimately worked in their favour. The pre-series resignation of Tim Paine because of a sexting scandal allowed them to strengthen their side by handing the gloves to Alex Carey. And Cummins’s brush with Covid has made no difference to their potency with the ball.
If anything, it has given him the chance to spend a rare week with his young family, before returning refreshed for the Boxing Day Test at Melbourne. For England, things may yet get messier.