Ellie Goulding tells fans: I’ve struggled daily, nightly, hourly with a kind of panic I didn’t even know existed
ELLIE GOULDING appears to have it all – a stellar music career, wealth, fame, a happy marriage, the joy of being a new mother and a legion of celebrity and Royal friends.
In fact, despite her successes, the 35-year-old singer songwriter has been beset by a crippling anxiety that has left her struggling to cope.
In an Instagram post on New Year’s Eve, responding to fans’ worries, the award-winning performer detailed the mental health challenges she has faced in the past 12 months.
‘This past year has been the very best of my life,’ she said. ‘I became a mother, the greatest joy I’ve known. I have released my first book, performed to the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the President and Joni Mitchell. But this year has also been the hardest of my life. I’ve struggled daily, nightly, hourly with a kind of panic I didn’t even know existed.
‘While the moments of being on stage in front of all of you have been some of the most exhilarating and calming, this year I have been struggling.’
Ms Goulding, who also entertained guests at the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s wedding reception in 2011, told fans that while anxiety had blighted her life and career, it had also helped to make her the person she was today.
The musician, whose No1 hits include River, Love Me Like You Do and Burn, bared her soul after some of her 14million Instagram followers sent concerned messages asking how she was coping. She told them: ‘Sometimes at my most terrified, when I feel there is no escape from the sheer panic and dread in my heart and brain, I remind myself that I can feel. I feel so much and that is how I have got to this place in my life. I want to tell you this on the last day of this year because so many of you have been asking how I’m doing and often do not get a reply.
‘It’s because I’ve been too scared to admit that the answer is, not very good. I feel like something is broken inside – something that has been echoed deeply by the few I have opened up to.’ She added that she was ‘crippled by anxiety’.
Ms Goulding, who urged others with anxiety to talk about it, married art dealer Casper Jopling, 29, in 2019 and had their son Arthur in April. Five months later, she released her first book in which she detailed her debilitating panic attacks.
Last night, Louisa Rose, of the youth mental health charity Beyond, said the post had ‘a profound impact on me’, adding: ‘She is sharing her experiences in the midst of her vulnerability… a more powerful message than any.’
Ms Rose said that at a time when many young people had anxiety,
‘part of the puzzle is to encourage a stigma-free society, which Ellie’s admissions helps towards’.
‘No escape from the dread in my heart’