Someone had to win the debacle derby
No better team to face if you need a win than third rate United, and Lampard’s Everton grab vital victory
IN the debacle derby, the battle of the worst-run teams in the Premier League, amid the executive ineptitude and incompetence, a winner eventually had to emerge. Or, to put it another way, although both clubs may demonstrate Olympian levels of stupidity in the board room, one would have to be marginally less awful on the pitch.
And it was Manchester United who seized the prize of being the team more in sync with their ownership: slow to react, poor in their decision-making and turgid in their execution of ideas, they are the perfect fit for Joel Glazer. Chants for his removal were heard from the United supporters, who seem ready to revolt again. At the end, there was a walk of shame, the United players having to brave the exit next to their fans. It would be fair to say they did not receive universal applause for their efforts.
David de Gea caught the mood. He labelled the performance disgraceful. Gary Neville said it was a joke. Ralf Rangnick, who increasingly looks like the supply geography teacher given the duff class which is just playing out time before they can leave school in the summer with zero qualifications, used a multitude of words to explain why they were so bad without ever really hitting on a reason.
He spoke of struggling with the level of expectation, of confidence. To be clear, these are all senior international players, the majority of whom will be earning a minimum £7million a year and he was speaking as though they were callow 18-year-olds. You suspect he wants to just say they are a bunch of prima donnas.
Cristiano Ronaldo looks like a player being given a testimonial season to say goodbye; Paul Pogba, who did not start, looked a red card waiting to happen when he came on, which would have been the equivalent of handing in his notice with six weeks left of his United career; Marcus Rashford is currently a much-more effective political campaigner than footballer.
‘With all due respect to Everton, if you don’t score a goal against a team who conceded three goals against Burnley you can’t expect to get anything,’ said Rangnick. ‘If you don’t score goals in games like this, it will be difficult to qualify for Europe. ‘I can only tell you that our emphasis in training was to be more aggressive. I wanted us to win more second balls and pin them back. The players themselves should be eager to play European football but if we play like we did today we don’t deserve to qualify.’
Indeed. They simply look like a team without any leadership who are on course for their lowest-ever points total in Premier League history. After an hour of dreadful fare, Rangnick opted for a formation which had Pogba holding midfield and Juan Mata and Bruno Fernandes behind the front three.
It was in the finest traditions of Sir Alex Ferguson’s all-out attack, though even he would generally save that for the last 10 minutes. This smacked of desperation and was as far from a structured Rangnick team as you could imagine.
United created nothing of note. Deep into injury time, when 90 minutes was up, a ball fell to Ronaldo and he snatched at it. The Goodison Park crowd gasped, watching its flight towards goal before Jordan Pickford instinctively batted it away and the ground roared. ‘An outstanding save,’ said Everton manager Frank Lampard. ‘Or it felt outstanding to me because of the moment. You expect to see the net to bulge.’
At the end Vitaliy Mykolenko lay on the turf and punched the pitch in relief. Who knows the private psychological torment the Ukrainian endures at present? But this was also an indication of just how important these points were for his club.
Goodison Park brought its A-game. There is no stadium more intimidating in full roar and the celebrations at the end were ecstatic, though they will surely know there are more twists and turns to this story yet. But United were no match for the combination of re-invigorated team and vociferous crowd ranged against them.
That said, Everton could barely get a foot in the game for 20 minutes. Passes went astray, shape was only dimly discernible and forward forays were non-existent. United were not great but they were better and Pickford was forced into a fine save in the ninth minute when Rashford’s half volley was headed goalwards. Amidst a mire of mediocrity, only Fernandes stood out, with a passing range reminiscent of Paul Scholes.
Everton had not registered a single threat when, in the 28th minute, Anthony Gordon played in Richarlison down the left. United were suddenly exposed. As Richarlison drove in his cross, United cleared unconvincingly to Gordon, who had continued his run. He struck the ball well from outside the area but the decisive touch was, almost inevitably, from Harry Maguire, off whom the ball rebounded past De Gea. Right now Maguire has an invariable knack of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
‘I feel like we’ve been due a deflection,’ said Lampard. ‘And I’m pleased it’s Anthony because he loves the club, he feels it. No wonder the fans love him.’
Thereafter, Everton rose to the task, not least Gordon, a thorn in the side of Alex Telles all afternoon. But there were other, more surprising heroes: Alex Iwobi, playing as a No 10 and demonstrating discipline and creative invention in
equal measure; Fabian Delph holding together the midfield; Ben Godfrey and Michael Keane showing a determined resolution at the back. Everton would not push on to create endless chances but they were organised, they were resolute and, contrary to Burnley manager Sean Dyche’s charge, they looked like a team that knew how to hang on to a lead.
‘We do know how to win,’ said Lampard. ‘And Sean didn’t mean it in that way. I’ve spoken to Sean since. And we’ve won more games than them anyway. But I understand his sentiment, we’ve been losing away from home and I’d say similar things behind the scenes.’
The players get a couple of days off now and play again in 10 days. ‘This is not enough,’ said Lampard. ‘There’s a long way to go.’
But they can envision survival now, safety is within grasp. The very future of the club depends on it. For United, the ignominy of the Europa Conference League awaits. It is a fitting fate for a third-rate club.