It’s been absolute hell to get this medal
British star Hudson-Smith reveals suicide attempt
FOR Matthew Hudson-Smith, the bronze medal he won over 400m at the World Championships here proved a light at the end of the darkest tunnel.
Only in the afterglow of his achievement, as he stood under the stands at Hayward Field, bronze medal draped around his neck, did he feel the need to open up about the three years of ‘absolute hell’ he had gone through to get here.
‘I had huge mental health issues in 2021,’ he said. ‘Not a lot of people know this, but I literally attempted suicide.’
Hudson-Smith, 27, did not want to reveal how or when, saying it was ‘in the past now’, but he did expand on the reasons his life took such a dangerous turn. He had racked up huge medical debts in the US due to a nightmare run of injuries and struggled with isolation during the pandemic while far from home.
‘In 2018 I won the Europeans, even though everything didn’t go to plan,’ he said. ‘In 2019 I tore my Achilles [tendon], tore my hamstring, messed up my hip. I had huge debts because I didn’t have American health insurance.
‘During Covid in 2020 I was stuck in America by myself. And in 2021 I had huge mental health issues.’
He also explained how the deaths of former coach Lloyd Cowan and UK Athletics (UKA) head coach
Neil Black had hit him hard, along with the departure of Stephen Maguire from UKA.
‘Losing people like Lloyd, who was a huge influence in my life, and Mr Black, who drove me from Loughborough to London when I got my diagnosis [for an Achilles injury] and Mr Maguire, who was always on the phone to me — I had a lot of people who I lost and I was stuck in America by myself.
‘I couldn’t do the [Tokyo] Olympics for several reasons. I was also racing knowing I was hurt all the time. A lot of people would have cracked. Imagine stepping on the line always being hurt and you have a lot of pressure because everyone always expects a lot from you.’
Hudson-Smith had come close to quitting athletics in 2014 and applied to join the Army while working in a supermarket. But after battling through physical and psychological problems, he emerged better than ever in 2022, breaking Iwan Thomas’s British record here in May, clocking 44.35sec.
In Friday’s 400m final, HudsonSmith came off the final bend battling with Michael Norman, 2012 Olympic champion Kirani James and world record holder Wayde van Niekerk. Norman forged ahead to win in 44.29, with James second in 44.48 and Hudson-Smith battled to bronze in 44.66.
‘I was just looking forward,’ he said of those final metres. ‘I had an anxious wait but, when I saw my name, I just dropped to the floor because these three years have been absolute hell.’
These days, Hudson-Smith is based in Florida, where he is coached by Gary Evans. He credits Christine Ohuruogu for her longrunning support during the darkest times and says team-mates Dina Asher-Smith and Nethaneel Mitchell-Blake also helped.
With the Commonwealth Games in Birmingham starting on Thursday, a medal-winning summer could be just getting started. ‘People know my talent,’ he said. ‘People know what I can offer. I always knew I could [win a] medal and had the potential to do this. A lot of people push on from here. Anything is possible.’
Aged 21, Hudson-Smith finished eighth in the Rio 2016 final, but only then to contemplate another career again, in strength and conditioning. His mother persuaded to stick with athletics and he left his home city of Wolverhampton to train in the United States.
Thomas, whose British 400m record had stood for 25 years, presented Hudson-Smith with the bronze medal.
‘This is just the beginning. I don’t think I’ve scratched the surface,’ Hudson-Smith said. ‘I have got a monkey off my back getting a world medal. Now I push on.’
• If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, help and support is available by calling Samaritans on 116 123.