QUOTES of the week

‘Coleen Rooney will meet Johnny Depp in the final.’ A Twitter wag finds amusement at the outcome of the ‘Wagatha Christie’ libel trial lost by Rebekah Vardy.

‘Sorry lads, we’re all sold out!’

Georgia Stanway, Lionesses star, has bad news for members of the men’s England team seeking tickets for tonight’s Euro final.

‘Oh my God.’

Liz Truss reacts in horror as TalkTV presenter Kate McCann faints and collapses in front of her during a live Tory leadership debate.

‘I can’t answer that!’

Care home resident Mollie Wheeldon is asked which bit of a male nude life-drawing session she enjoyed most at Sherwood Grange in West London.

‘It’s Ukraine’s party, we’re just inviting them to throw it at our house.’ Space Man singer Sam Ryder after it was announced that the UK will host next year’s Eurovision instead of Ukraine, which won this year’s event, due to the war.

‘Anyone who says words hurt has never been punched in the face.’

Comedian Chris Rock breaks his silence over being slapped by actor Will Smith during the Oscars.

‘He has fallen into the trap of becoming the Tory that anti-Tories on Twitter love to support – a new Heseltine, Clarke, Hunt or Davidson – but who party members reject.’ Political commentator Allister Heath on ‘Centrist’ Rishi Sunak’s faltering campaign to be new Tory leader and PM

‘You execute a drug dealer and you’ll save 500 lives.’

Donald Trump is typically uncompromising as he calls for drastic law and order measures in his first Washington speech since leaving office.

‘“It’s that time again, Prime Minister!’’ I’d say. Each time, never willing to miss a good slapstick opportunity, he dutifully feigned bending over.’ Former aide Cleo Watson revealing day-to-day trials of working in Downing Street, including having to take Boris Johnson’s temperature during the early days of the pandemic.