QUOTES of the week

‘You’re not working on a building site, dear.’ Michael Ball’s mother rebukes him for the dressed-down outfit he wore to present his Radio 2 show on Sunday.

‘We called it Billy Snakespeare. The runner-up was Hisstopher Marlowe.’ RSC director Gregory Doran who was so keen on authenticity that he cast a real reptile as the asp in Antony & Cleopatra.

‘Zero. They are, at most, seven years old.’ Government’s deadpan response

to Labour’s Justin Madders, who mistakenly asked ‘how many people claiming pension credit were born on or after April 2016’.

‘I wish to apologise unreservedly for this photo of a Christmas pavlova I took some years ago. It clearly resembles the impact of a V2 rocket on a London suburb, with strawberries crassly denoting the subsequent bloodshed.’

Actor Stephen McGann’s ironic tweet after M&S had to issue an apology for its Christmas TV ad.

‘The testosterone has left the building’ Pop star Robbie Williams says he’s going through the ‘manopause’ and is dealing with thinning hair, reduced sex drive and insomnia. ‘To whomever has been enjoying my coffee creamer... surprise! You’ve been drinking my breast milk. Hope you’ve enjoyed. PS: It’s organic.’ Office worker in Australia leaves a message to colleagues after they stole her milk.

‘If I’d known I was going to live this long,

I’d have taken better care of myself!’

Actor Gabriel Byrne, who at 73, is playing his hero Samuel Beckett in the biopic Dance First.

‘AI, greedflation, nepo baby, Bazball and ULEZ.’

New words that have made the latest edition of the Collins Dictionary.