BREXITEERS OF THE WEEK
4 SAJID JAVID
The home secretary was forced to deny reports that he had given himself a bizarre nickname and begun using it to describe himself in the third person during meetings, with phrases like “the Saj will sort that out” and “just you watch what the Saj is going to do”.
A cabinet rival told the Sun: “It’s bizarre. I think he’s losing the plot.” A source close to Javid told the Mail the claims were “tripe” – or, more likely, said “the Saj says these claims are tripe”. Let’s hope this trend for shortening your own name does not continue, sparing us health secretary Matt Hancock telling his colleagues “wait ’til you find out what the
’Cock is up to”.
3 NICOLAS AUJULA
The New Malden-based psychic told the Daily Star that Brexit would end up being “really positive” but added “with things as huge as Brexit, it’s difficult as you cannot switch off that logical side of your brain. But, I’m not seeing the end result as being positive, especially economically. I’ve been seeing a lot of visions of property crashes, so I think that could be linked.” Aujula, who in previous lives claims to have been a deer, an
Egyptian queen, a lion, and a teacher during the French revolution, added:
“I don’t follow politics very closely myself.”
2 A COCKATOO
Hotel chain Travelodge have unveiled a list of things left behind by forgetful guests in 2018. Among the more eye-catching were a brand new ice-cream van, a chest of semi-precious jewels, an amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, a replica of Meghan Markle’s wedding dress, a five-foot teddy bear made entirely out of popcorn and three butterfly-tailed fish named Kim, Kourtney and Khloe. Well, we’ve all done it. But what are we to make of one item stranded at Brighton Seafront Travelodge, a blue-eyed cockatoo called Brexit? No news, alas, of whether the careless owner simply decided that, rather than hear the same repetitive phrases screeched over and over, they’d rather just watch an interview with Theresa May
1 LOWRI TURNER
The former host of DIY SOS, now a celebrity nutritionist/ hypnotherapist, popped up on Channel 5’s Jeremy Vine to claim that Brits applying for an Irish passport to avoid losing their right to free movement after Brexit were “very mercenary” and “a bit grubby”.
When viewer Emma Collins phoned in to say she was being forced to apply for Irish citizenship as her banking job had moved to Dublin, Turner replied: “I went into my local bank recently and all the people behind the counter were not British. Many bank jobs are not held by British people anyway.” Alas, these words were not much comfort to Emma, who spent much of her call in tears.
It’s a new landmark in empathy for Lowri, who in 2007 wrote a Daily Mail article headlined “I love my mixed race baby – but why does she feel so alien?”