FOOTBALL DARK ARTS
LET’S GET THIS RUBBISH OUT OF THE GAME
Footballer-turned journalist Gregor Robertson says it’s time to get rid of the ugly side of the game
Sh**housery. What a word! I’m not entirely sure where it came from, but, after Colombia’s monumental, colossal, titanic we display of “sh**housery” against England this week, the term has been widely versed to describe the various dark arts have seen players perform in an otherwise enthralling World Cup in Russia. I’m still utterly perplexed as to why a talented Colombia side played like a bunch of spoilers for the vast majority of that game, kicking and grappling and riling England’s players rather than trying to beat them in a game of football, and hounding and haranguing the referee with a vehemence and vitriol that has become an all-too-familiar sight over the past few weeks.
Cheating
South Americans, historically, are perhaps the masters of these duplicitous deeds on the pitch but, in reality, it is a contagion that has spread throughout the elite level of the game. After England’s Harry Maguire took a tumble in the box and Jordan Henderson made the most of a head-butt by Wilmar Barrios against Colombia, Gareth Southgate pretty much conceded that it is now a part of the game that everyone has to play. Is he right? My eyes were first opened to similarly underhand tactics during a game I played for Scotland under-21s against Spain in 2004. It was never going to be an easy task against Iniesta, Ramos, Fabregas et al, as I’m sure you can imagine, but it was made even more arduous when, just before half-time, we were reduced to ten men. The Spaniards needed no encouragement whatsoever to collapse and hit the deck at the faintest of touches, before rolling around in feigned agony, then surrounding the referee and demanding that he brandish a yellow card. It worked, as it often does. And it’s just as infuriating to play against all that stuff as it is to watch it. It wasn’t something I had seen much in the rough and tumble of Championship football I was playing with Nottingham Forest back then.
Southgate is right, of course, in that England must be streetwise. But it should be a priority to stamp what is essentially cheating out of the game. Playacting could be vastly reduced if retrospective punishments were handed out, or cautions for blatant cases such as Portugal’s Pepe falling pathetically to the floor after Morocco’s Mehdi Benatia gave him a feather-light tap on the back.
Pathetic
It wouldn’t be easy, of course. We can be pretty certain Neymar’s howls of anguish and violent convulsions after Mexico’s Miguel Layun stood on his ankle were an attempt to get his assailant sent-off, whilst running down the clock a little too, but in that instance he was clearly stood on and retrospective action to punish his theatrics, however embarrassing, would feel a little severe. The biggest threat to the quality of football in Russia, however, has been the hounding of referees, often with a level of aggression that in any other walk of life would be a precursor for a fight.
The use of VAR seems to have lifted things a notch further too because players, whether incensed by a decision or in desperate hope of rectifying a mistake, now believe that there is a chance it might be overturned. I’d love to see an automatic booking for making that god-awful hand gesture outlining the shape of a TV screen too. And yes, it would be progress for bookings to be handed out more frequently for all these offences, and red cards when aggression is involved, as many have said. The rules are already there, they just need to be enforced. But I’d go a step further. I would effectively ban all players, other than the captain of each team, from communicating with the referee. After all, it isn’t always what the player says or the way he says it that is the issue here. The constant swarming of players around the referee, their mere presence, is a constant detriment to the quality of the game. Even if a group of players approach the ref, arms held up deferentially, speaking softly, politely and with respect – which they sometimes do, of course – it’s still enough to halt the game, again and again, and ruin its flow.
Respect
And, lets face it, what is the point? I never bothered arguing with a referee’s decision as a player. I might have told him what I thought of it as I got back into position. But to argue your case is an exercise in futility. There are some, I’m sure, who might think it draconian to make “excessive communication” a yellow card offence. But it would draw a clearer line in the sand, I think, and put a halt to the haranguing of officials that reflects so badly on the game. It should be noted that this stuff is far less prevalent in the lower leagues. And given that you, the readers, are evidently supporters of lower league football, I would also wager that “sh**housery” and all that goes with it could be thrown in among a host of off-putting aspects of modern, elite-level football. Of course, it should be incumbent on players to act responsibly on the pitch, but in reality without stronger rules and officiating, behaviour isn’t ever going to dramatically improve.