Diary of a Ground Hopper

SATURDAY DECEMBER 8TH Havant & Waterlooville 2 Braintree Town 1

I AM treating myself to an early Christmas present this afternoon. I plan to visit Havant & Waterlooville to complete the National League for the umpteenth time and ‘The Fox’ is coming along for the ride. It is at this point that I realise I don’t know a single thing about the club, the town(s) or even where the team plays. H&W somehow simply don’t exist on my radar; it’s time for some homework. Ah, Havant is near Portsmouth! Jane SatNav attempts to take me via the M25, which is a crazy idea, so I ignore her advice and go via the A43/A34 instead. Traffic is busier than a normal Saturday but not too bad, hence I ‘rock up’ at Westleigh Park at 1.00pm. As I park in the club car park, three heavy metal barriers blow over; thankfully I am nowhere near them. The clubhouse is already busy with fans quietly watching TV. Everyone knows I am utterly against TV companies dictating kick-off times to the detriment of true football fans but even I can see that this place would be deserted of people and their cash at this time of day if it weren’t for Bournemouth v Liverpool on the box. I pay £16 at the gate and another £2 for the programme (The Hawk). The stewards and programme sellers are all very friendly. All club officials I see are wearing some form of fancy dress. In some cases this simply consists of a Santa hat but my prize for ‘Best Dressed’ goes to the two ladies in the well-stocked club shop who go down the route of full Christmas Elf outfits! The stadium is better than I expected. Terraces cover virtually the whole of three sides of the ground with a grandstand and smaller terrace on the fourth side. This is easily Football League standard. Unfortunately for the Hawks, they are struggling near the foot of the table, while their visitors, Braintree Town, are adrift at the bottom. I fear dreams of League glory are a long way off yet! There are three refreshment stalls dotted around the ground. I plump for a burger and chips from the wide range of fast food available. The burger is nice but the chips are awful. I see several hardly touched portions of the latter firmly deposited in the bin. The football on display is exactly as I expected: very poor quality; bereft of technical ability; lacking in confidence. I have seen Notts County a few times this season and I can tell you they would fit in perfectly at this level. And that is not a compliment! As supporters start to lose the will to live, The Fox turns to me and declares: “I fully blame you for the choice of match today.” I have no defence. The second half is better (it simply couldn’t be worse!) and produces three goals. The Fox and I agree that Braintree are worth a draw, but hey, that’s life at the bottom. It’s also life if your strikers cannot hit a barn door from six yards, I’m afraid. Well, that’s the League completed again. I’m not looking forward to revisits with Notts County next season!