Diary of a Ground Hopper

SATURDAY DECEMBER 15TH Cleethorpes Town 1 Ossett United 1

PICTURE the scene: you are walking round a nature reserve on the banks of the Humber in a bitingly bitter wind. All is well with the world when your knicker elastic finally gives up the ghost. You spend the rest of the morning walking uncomfortably with your pants wafting somewhere just north of your knees. Welcome to my Saturday morning experience at Alkborough Flats! Before walking becomes physically impossible, I make the decision to discard said pants, they can take the strain no more. And this is how I end up going Commando in Cleethorpes. Cleethorpes Town now play at The Linden Homes Club on Clee Road, having vacated their groundshare with Grimsby Borough at the Bradley Stadium. Consequently, the Owls have become an important part of the community; they run over 35 teams of differing ages and genders! On the way to the match, I pass Grimsby Town’s lovely ground (also in Cleethorpes, of course) where Swindon fans are disgorging from their coach for this afternoon’s League Two fixture. Not for me, though; these days I enjoy my Non-League football far too much to consider a return to the Professional Game. Stewards at Clee Road are already looking frozen half to death. The wind chill must be taking the temperature down to well below zero. Even I am a tad chilly so most people will be almost hypothermic! I pay £8 at the gate and scamper to the clubhouse to escape the wind. Just inside, a row of tables is set out with club souvenirs and today’s programme (£2). I am also handed a teamsheet; it is all so much more dignified when I don’t have to beg. Everyone is huddled in the clubhouse until the last second. We can delay the inevitable no longer and a line of hand-rubbing, half-jogging fans form a line from bar to pitchside. Work is ongoing at the stadium. Cleethorpes have only been in existence since 1998 and now play at Northern Premier East League level, so it’s a case of slowly but surely to get things right. The wind is whistling round the ground, freezing the young stewards to the bone. Shelter is provided by a glass-encased Directors’ Box in one corner and small ‘At Cost’ stands behind each goal. The far touchline houses a covered stand and a completely exposed temporary looking bank of seats. If the Arctic wind doesn’t kill you up there first, you would be whipped to death by the flags attached to the scaffolding! Unsurprisingly, no one sits there. This is my first viewing of Ossett United, the team formed by newly merged Ossett Town and Ossett Albion. They bring quite a few fans with them too, who seem impressed with the early football. The style of play is fast, skilful and a joy to watch. And then they suddenly and inexplicably stop playing football. The rest of the match is scrappy in appalling conditions. All credit to the 329 people who eschew the warmth of shopping malls and cosy front rooms to witness this hard-fought draw. Now, where can I get some new undercrackers... PRE-MATCH INFO: 9, WELCOME: 8, FACILITIES: 7, FOOD: 6, CHARM: 4, PROGRAMME: 6, HOME TEAM RESPECT: 4, HOME FANS: 6, MATCH: 4.5, OVERALL TRIP: 7.5, OFFICIALS: 8, ATT: 329