DIARY OF A GROUND HOPPER
I HAVE to be back in Nottingham to see Jonathan Pie in concert tonight, so cannot travel too far for football. This is potentially a problem, being as most of my new grounds are below the M25 corridor. The M25 is shut anyway, so it’s a great day to avoid the area!
Thankfully, the Central Midlands Alliance is secreting many a new venue among the cluster of new clubs. Burton Hornets are due to be at home to Baobab United with a bonus game at St. George’s Park in the morning, where Albion’s Academy are hosting Doncaster Rovers.
After picking up The Fox and then finding the right place on the huge, soulless, complex of pitches at St. George’s, I see a very strong performance from Donny’s lads, where they easily see off the EFL Alliance Northeast leaders. It’s an impressive display but the level of abuse dished out to match officials from the players and bench of the South Yorkshiremen is shocking. Quite how the Doncaster coach doesn’t receive a red card for shouting “What the f*** are you doing there, ref?!” in front of everyone is beyond me. What an example to impressionable minds.
A quick check of the CMA and FA Full Time websites confirms the Hornets’ game is still on. I am not expecting much at the ground, so call in at a nearby fish and chip shop on the way. Jane SatNav then tells me to turn down a very narrow lane in the middle of a bridge crossing a river! It is very disconcerting. However, the lane actually runs alongside the water, down a hideously pot-holed track. The Fields along the track are waterlogged. I have a very bad feeling about this.
I pull into a car park next to a clubhouse called The Washlands. While stuffing my face with my chip cob (roll/butty/bap), a lady
pulls up in the car park. I enquire about Burton Hornets. “Never heard of them!”. Oh dear.
I phone Pencilman, who is on his way. By my description, he confirms that I am in the correct place but there’s still no one here. Both websites still state the game is going ahead. Neither sides’ Twitter has been updated for about five years and no one is answering phones.
While I drive, The Fox frantically researches alternative venues. Little Eaton kick off at 2.00pm, so that’s no good. We settle on Hemmington Hammers. A dash down the A38 and A50 means I pull into Hammers’ car park on Hemmington Lane with time to spare. Another Hopper has just arrived and Pencilman pulls in just after us.
After checking there are some players around – they are just moving the goalposts into position – we head back to the car for a natter. Another vehicle pulls up and out pops a guy in a very bright yellow and black bobble hat. He affords a cheery welcome as he passes the Hoppermobile (the windows are down because it is a very mild afternoon).
At the moment, players and officials get changed in shipping containers. However, there’s a huge new clubhouse being finished, which will be an amazing benefit for the club and local community. Note to self: revisit when finished!
The pitch is in remarkable condition bearing in mind the flooded meadows all around the ground. There’s a babbling brook behind one goal, which regularly claims a wayward football. Thankfully, a club official is on hand with a fishing net!
Hemmington completely dominate the game but simply cannot put the ball in the back of the net. No surprise when they pay the price and are sucker-punched with a second half killer from a quickly-taken free kick. Unbelievable!
Now this is far from the first time that I’ve been messed about by teams in the Central Midlands Alliance.
Yes, my afternoon turned out to be fine but my advice to anyone travelling to a CMA match: try and check, check and double check!
PRE-MATCH INFO: 4, WELCOME: 9, FACILITIES: 1, CHARM: 8, PROGRAMME: 0, HOME FANS: 5, MATCH: 6.5, OVERALL TRIP: 7, OFFICIALS: 9, ATT: 9