RETRO Roamer
THE HIGHLAND Homespun sale attracted the crowds – visitors and locals. In the midst of it all an American decided he wanted the very kilt sported by the (inanimate) male model in the shop window. So, off it was whipped, leaving the model in his shirt tail. The rest of his regalia was intact – Prince Charlie jacket, tie, socks, sgian dhu. But from then on it was bedlam, with dozens of ‘towrists’ clamouring to see what the male model had been wearing under his kilt.
A LOT of folk are calling for ‘signposting sanity’ in Fort William. It appears that, nowadays, all the signs and notices in and around town are for the benefit of motorists. If you don’t believe me, take a look up Bank Street. Meanwhile there’s the sign behind the Cameron Centre which reads ‘Tots’. It’s supposed to say ‘Toilets’ but the middle part - ile- is behind a telegraph pole.
MY TALE of Wee Donald’s two left-footed slippers had an interesting sequel at the weekend. A Ballachulish native has been in touch to say he’s interested in doing a part exchange as he, apparently, bought slippers in the same shop. When he opened the box at home, he found he had, yes, two for the right foot. So, Donald, if you’d like to get back on an even keel just contact Roamer at Box No LRLR. The game of ‘Hunt the Slipper’ will then be completed.
I SEE the ‘AA Windsock’ at the West End Car Park is flying at lower than half mast these days. In fact, after last week’s gales, it almost disappeared down the loch. While a reinforced pole is awaited for the windsock to be rehoisted, Roamer has it Sea King helicopter pilots and navigators will have to take their bearings from the washing hanging on the lines at Maryburgh Court.
TWO SISTERS were out for the messages at the weekend. Laden with carrier bags, they staggered to the bus stop at the Parade, where two buses were waiting. The girls piled into the second one and one sister collapsed into a seat under the combined weight of two lots of shopping, while other sis waited to pay their fares. ‘Two 45s, please,’ said she. ‘It’s not 45p to Kennedy Road,’ the driver advised. Slightly popped, the fare payer exclaimed: ‘But we’re not going to Kennedy Road’! The driver, all smiles now, replied: ‘No, but I am.’
‘VANDALISM and disturbances are a sad feature of the times we live in. And I’m sure we had all hoped it would never hit Lochaber. But our hopes have been dashed. You see the effects frequently in the High Street. You hear about houses being broken into and ransacked. Our hall windows got it this week, just after being repaired. Is anyone ever caught? Can we get the bobby on the beat back, please’? Are these Roamer comments? No, those of Canon MacNeil in the St Mary’s newsletter.
WEST Highland hospitality? Or, put another way, ‘never on a Sunday – in Mallaig’. When a mid-1980s steam train pulled in at the platform there, and the passengers filed out to savour the sights and sounds of Seagull City – and beyond – they found their progress barred. Literally. The station gates were chained and padlocked. Did I say ‘filed out’ earlier? Well, that’s actually what happened. A file and a hacksaw later and the ‘towrists’ had the freedom of Mallaig. ‘ We’ll take care it doesn’t happen again,’ a ScotRail spokesman was quoted as saying in a Scottish Sunday newspaper, in response to the fact Mallaig station had locked in 250 steam train passengers. So, what do you think? As most people in Mallaig were reading that Sunday paper the following weekend, the same situation arose. The station was again securely under lock and key on the third successive Steam Sunday, this time causing the passengers to form their own escape groups to gain access to the village. The final problem arose because the locks of the main gates had been changed, but the railmen had been issued with the previous set of keys!
Mention of ‘ key workers’ back there reminds me ScotRail is now employing a 75-year- old rule book procedure of having a flagman walking in front of the trains at Morar Crossing so that safety can be assured. Aye, that’s one way of running a railroad.
WHAT would you do if you noticed a fiver down a drain brander? You would rake about diligently until you wheeched it out. That is exactly what a young lady of this parish did the other day. Crafty with it, too. She put glue onto the end of a stick and enticed the note out of the drain. If you are offered a £ 5 note wrapped in polythene, you’ll know where it has been. QUITE a stramash outside the Ferryboat Inn the other evening. A busload of SWRI members arrived, with most of them wishing to spend what would amount to quite a few pennies. But there was no availability outside the inn in the female section of the toilet block. But one gallant, redoubtable Lochaber man sorted things out. He posted himself as sentry outside the gents and the ladies went in there two by two. HERE’S a fishy tale. Two newly-appointed officials of a local angling club arranged to meet outside the Royal Bank of Scotland to append their names - inside – as joint signatories for the club’s financial transactions. One turned up on Monday morning and waited for an hour. Meanwhile, along at the Bank of Scotland, his colleague was keeping a lone vigil outside. It seems the latter had always been under the impression the B of S was actually the Royal! But what’s an hour, when both anglers could spend a whole day along a bank and not catch a single fish?