More items from Roamer columns of 30 years ago
You’ll be desolated to know Fort William is not going to have a twin town arrangement with Shoreview, Minnesota. Representatives of the Sister City Association of Shoreview have been questing for sorority with the Fort. But Lochaber District Council didn’t want this transatlantic sister. So it’s hands-off across the sea.
Fun and games at Arisaig Games. A couple of flares were set off by the demonstrators of rescue techniques and spectators were wondering why. It was all a bit like the music hall joke – a shipwrecked sailor out on Loch Linnhe, hanging on to a roll of carpet. So a helicopter came along and ‘dropped him a flare’!
At about the same time, The Great River Morar Duck Race was well in progress. Coastguards and lifeboat crew members were there to lend their expertise. And just as the race was in full flow, they were all called out to a Mallaig emergency. So, as ever, they were pretty ‘quack’ off the mark.
Lassie from the Jean Shop left the premises to have her lunch. It was raining, so she grabbed her coat. Unbeknownst to her the coat was hooked up with a skirt on a hanger. Which explains why she was walking along the High Street for all the world like a sandwich board advert with the skirt, and its price tag, swinging from the belt of her coat.
Topic of discussion at Lochaber District Council’s environment committee meeting – Mallaig public conveniences. Or, to be more accurate, the Mallaig toilets ‘have had it’. For, according to the Inverness memo tabled at the meeting ‘it is not possible to convert the existing public toilets in Mallaig to provide a satisfactory end product’ ..........
I wished I had a camera at the newly-named Ben Nevis Drive. Where’s that, you might well ask? It’s the road serving the Ben Nevis Industrial Estate at Claggan. Alongside the accompanying road marker another sign has been installed. ‘Caution – grass cutting in progress’ it proclaims and, on the other side of it the Achintee sheep are munching away quite contentedly. Honest! In fairness, however, the grass cutter, on his tractor, was round the corner.
Robbie Robertson’s annexing of the number plate NEV1S prompted me to consult the catalogue for the ‘Auction of Attractive Registrations’ being held in Harrogate. And the marks available are – reMARKable. For example, for Lochaber District Council, there’s ADM1N, for Bob Murray’s missus they have AGG1E, and there’s ARN1E for Allan MacDonald. Quite a few local lassies would qualify for C1SSY. Then there’s DEL1A and DOR1S and ELL1S and MCK1E. The list is endless. And TOX1C is up for offer – quite a few Lochaber possibilities for that one. And CUP1D and, of course, SH1NTY.
Fort William FC triumphed on Saturday. Our lads dumped Cove Rangers for their first win of the season. And how the fans responded. There was a new face – and voice – in the crowd, too. Brian McAvinnie. To my knowledge Brian hadn’t ever featured in the Claggan Park fan club. Maybe the fact there’s a Murphy and a Flannigan in the Fort team prompted him to have a look. Aye, Irish Brian was certainly a good luck charm as Fort had the rub of the green at last.
Now Roamer must own up. Those of you in the cognoscenti – aka Glasgow Herald readers – will have noticed my name mentioned as one of the winners of the Wee Stinker Crossword. Well, it wasn’t exactly a misprint – but it wisnae me. I can’t claim the honour. It seems the solutions to this diabolically difficult crossword were ghosted for me, and I haven’t a clue who put my name to the entry. Anyway the teeshirt – the Wee Stinker prize – is nearly a good fit. So all you folk who have been trying for years to win one, take heart. It may be easier than you think.
‘The one that got away’ certainly eluded members of the Railway Angling Club. There they were, fishing Loch Ness. And then they packed up their kitbags and tackle and headed home to the village in their hired minibus. When they reached the Well of the Heads, still telling the tall stories, one of them shouted ‘Where’s Tam’? Tam, apparently, had been left behind and was possibly still angling for Nessie till he got a bus home.
Whatever happened to the tercentenary celebration of the naming of Fort William? The production of commemorative crockery and clothing were mooted. Educational and youth bursaries were suggested, as were community drama period productions, pageants and shows. Oh, and fireworks displays, bands and parades. I ask this because we are now into 1990 – the year which marks the Fort’s 300th anniversary.
Some folk reckon they can get ‘stung’ occasionally in Fort William High Street. I don’t subscribe to that allegation myself, so I had to laugh when I heard about the High Street shopkeeper who was – stung! Aye, a wasp appeared in Eric’s Emporium, buzzed around Eric for a few seconds then delivered a walloper of a sting up the Wallace trouser leg.
What about the ‘No go – no smoking’ areas in Highland Region? The edict that there be no puffing in or around the workplace has brought smoke clouds of gloom to a fair number of council employees. Smoking bans will apply in canteens, rest rooms, toilets, lifts and stairways. And also in – and I like this one – ‘cupboards’. In the case of council vehicles, the region seeks, and expects, full non-smoking co-operation and support from drivers and occupants. And at their meetings the regional members will ‘no doubt’ lead by example?
There was a rare occurrence in Mallaig at the weekend. Four previously unidentified Flymo objects were in operation around about Fank Brae. Aye, the quartet of Bobby, Ian, Anne and Flora were merrily mowing the green, green grass growing around the fences. You see, for the first time in years the Mallaig sheep have not been chomping at the peripheral grass. So the residents have taken the cropping into their own hands and lawn mowers.