The Old Un’s Notes
Legendary showbiz star Christopher Biggins has revealed the secret to surviving pantomime – monk-like abstinence and a rubber mattress.
The panto veteran is playing Widow Twankey in a new version of Aladdin at Richmond Theatre, Surrey, this Christmas.
He says, ‘I'll be appearing in 64 performances over five weeks – that works out at twelve shows a week, or two shows six days a week. And, much as I love appearing in panto, it's pretty exhausting – and remember, when I'm not on stage, I'm slipping in and out of outrageous outfits.'
Biggins adds, ‘The only way I can get through a panto at my age is by turning into a monk in between shows and having a sleep on the rubber mattress on the floor of my dressing room – I don't even take off my make-up or costume!'
We salute the energy of the great trouper, turning 69 on 16th December.
Oldie columnist Mary Kenny has just published a tremendous series of essays, Am I a Feminist? Are You?
Mary was a founder member of the Irish Women's Liberation Movement in 1970. She is not your average feminist, as you can see from this shot, taken in 1970 by an Irish photographer atop a building in Dublin. That's James Gandon's Custom House in the background. The picture was for a feature Mary was writing.
‘I think the money in the garter was my rather halfbaked idea of copying Marlene Dietrich in The Blue Angel or some such!' says Mary. ‘Surprising I didn't have a fag in my hand, too.'
The book covers everything from gender theory to grandmothers, manspreading to menopause. She also tells amusing stories of life with her late husband, the distinguished journalist Richard West.
When she asked him to fix a plug, he pleaded ‘specialisation rather than division of labour'.
‘I don't ask an electrician to speak Serbo-croat,' said West, who was a Balkan specialist, ‘Why ask me to do an electrician's job?'
Don't hang up your dancing shoes just yet! Northern oldies, swept up in the sequins and pizzazz of the latest series of Strictly Come Dancing, need wait in the wings no longer.
Yorkshire's answer to the
Royal Ballet, the Northern Ballet, is offering ballet classes for the over-55s. If you're more Ann Widdecombe than Anna Pavlova, this is just the thing to get your feet tap-tapping.
The Old Un has viewed a clip and the dancers look like a herd of elegant swans gliding in graceful unison. This makes sense; the older classes are known as the ‘senior swans'.
A regular, Julia from Leeds, told the Old Un what a class entails: ‘We start with a bit of galloping and warming up, and then we do the bar work. At the age of 68, I am fulfilling the dream.'
Annemarie Donoghue, the class teacher, has passed on a few exercise tips: ‘Stand as though you are the belle or king of the ball' and ‘Open out the neckline to show off your diamonds or medallions'.
Budding Fred Astaires, now is the time to put your best foot forward.
Stephen P Smith, Oldie reader and Charlie Chaplin biographer, got in touch with the Old Un to remind him that Christmas Day is the fortieth anniversary of Chaplin's death.
It's ironic that Chaplin died, aged 88, in Switzerland, on Christmas Day. He never celebrated Christmas – it reminded him of his Victorian workhouse upbringing in south London, when the only thing that distinguished it from any other day was that each child received an orange.
Chaplin's big fear was losing his audience. In his 1952 film, Limelight, he depicts the music hall comedians of his childhood: no longer in work, they often died in poverty.
Chaplin's last film, A Countess from Hong Kong (1967), was a flop. His fear had come true: he had lost his audience. But only momentarily. Over the
past decade, his films have found new life and are often shown with live orchestral accompaniment.
The Old Un longed for a Charlie Chaplin workhouse Christmas after reading the 2017 Neiman Marcus Christmas Book – ‘the world's most luxurious gift-giving guide'.
Fancy spending New Year's Eve with 299 pals on the roof of the Knickerbocker Hotel in Times Square, New York? Dinner and 150 premier rooms are yours for two nights. All for a mere £1.2 million.
Or perhaps a visit to the Gemfields Kagem mine in Zambia with master jeweller Stephen Webster? Watch the raw emeralds being processed – then visit Webster's studio to work on your very own 7.2-carat emerald. A snip at £225,000.
On Christmas Day, the Old Un would much prefer a pair of sturdy socks and a Charlie Chaplin orange in his stocking.
Maria Strange, an Oldie subscriber from the Falklands, kindly asked the Old Un to wish a happy hundredth birthday to Diana Athill on 21st December.
The Old Un couldn't agree more. Happy birthday to the epic literary editor, memoirist and Oldie award-winner in 2009, when she was a mere stripling of 91.
There's one very good reason that the Lords, unlike the Commons, seems untouched by any whiff of a sex scandal so far. Its female members simply wouldn't stand for any monkey business, according to one female peer.
‘If any male peer touched my knee, believe me they'd never do it again,' says Baroness Doocey, 69. ‘I wouldn't make a big issue of it though – I'd just call them a complete w*****! Most of the women in the House of Lords of my generation were brought up to believe that this is what happened – and you could either take care of yourself or you couldn't.'
The Liberal Democrat peer added, ‘What's being going on [in the Commons] is completely reprehensible – but I think that people going on about ‘brushing against my knee' is ridiculous and over the top. I don't think any female peer in the Lords would take a blind bit of notice [of someone brushing against their knee] but it's a generational thing.'
The Old Un is delighted to hear news of a sequel to the marvellous Bill Murray film Groundhog Day (1993). The original told the story of a grumpy weatherman fated to live the same day over and over again.
In Groundhog Day II, Murray returns, trapped in another time loop, while embedded with the US Army in Afghanistan.
This comes after the success of Groundhog Day – The Musical. How funny that a film based on repetition should itself spawn so many descendants with an identical theme.
Correspondence in The Oldie about high-minded tattoos led the Old Un to the oldest tattoo shop in the world: Razzouk Ink in Jerusalem.
The Razzouk family have been tattooing Christian pilgrims for 700 years. The sign outside the shop reads, ‘Tattoos with Heritage since 1300.'
The tradition goes back to the 7th century, when Coptic Christians in Egypt were forcibly tattooed with crosses to identify themselves to Muslims. The marks soon became a badge of honour, with Christians volunteering for cross tattoos.
The tattoos are done with olive-wood blocks. Popular designs include the Virgin Mary, the Resurrection and the Crucifixion.
Lord Bramall has nobly weathered outrageous calumnies against his good name in Operation Midland, the child sexual abuse scandal. The Metropolitan Police have apologised to him and compensated him.
Edwin Bramall has responded by publishing an enthralling book – The Bramall Papers – which rises above the false accusations. Instead, he concentrates on his extraordinary career. Commissioned into the King's Royal Rifle Corps in 1943, he took part in the Normandy landings and won the MC in 1945. He served on Lord Mountbatten's staff and became chief of defence staff in 1982, having played a key role in the Falklands War.
Lord Bramall turns 94 on 18th December. Happy birthday to him and Happy Christmas to all!