Sex has torn us apart

QMy wife and I are in our midseventies and both of us are in what I consider to be rude health, both physical and mental. Some years back, my wife suddenly announced, in front of a group of friends, that she’d had enough of sex and was giving it up. All the ladies of similar age applauded her but the men looked a bit downcast, and for me it was a bolt from the blue because we’d always enjoyed a close sexual relationship. I wasn’t ready to give up sex. The DIY version gets me down because I feel like a naughty schoolboy. I’ve always been faithful and I’ve tried to explain my needs via a letter because I’m too reserved to talk to her face to face, but no change. The worst thing is that occasionally she’ll initiate sex, but it’s all a big palaver to stop it being too sore for her. Marriage guidance is not an option, as she would laugh at the idea. Do you have any suggestions? Name and address supplied It seems as if you’re both absolutely terrified of talking openly to each other. She needs to speak in front of friends to get her point across, and you need to write a letter. I would really push for Relate counselling. But make it clear how desperately upset you are first – perhaps even going away for a while to think things over, if she still refuses. It sounds as if she’s finding sex totally agonising most of the time – and it’s possible that her doctor might be able to help by providing hormonal pessaries or cream. Though they don’t always work, they are worth a try. And then, you depend on sex for emotional intimacy and perhaps love, far more than she can comprehend. She sees it as ‘just sex’. If only you could understand each

AJonathan by email Does your wife think that the gizmo is a help? If so, grin, bear it and buy it. But if, by making an effort, you can hear better, then chuck it. Interestingly, there was some research that showed – rather cruelly, mind! – that, if nurses refused to repeat the choices of food, the hearing of patients in an old people’s home improved rapidly.

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