Ask Virginia Ironside
I want him to take Viagra
QYou had a letter (December issue) from a woman whose husband had got a prescription for sex Viagra all the time, and he even was though pestering she didn’t her for want it. I’ve got the reverse problem. I’ve got a husband who refuses to take Viagra – and I’m feeling increasingly unloved and sexually frustrated. He tried it once and it was great – even he said he enjoyed it – but he refuses to take it again because of the side-effects. I feel that surely he could put up with the side-effects now and again, just for a night of pleasure that would mean so much to me? Name and address supplied
Aheadaches, Many when be very feel taking men sick unpleasant. suffer and Viagra dizzy side-effects – They and which can get can a get very changes red temporarily. face, and sometimes Clearly, their for your vision husband, the pluses of taking Viagra don’t outweigh the negatives. Isn’t there any other way you can get sexual satisfaction without full intercourse? If you both went to a sex therapist, I’m sure they could recommend a few sexual tricks you hadn’t thought of that would satisfy your frustrations and not make your husband feel utterly ghastly.
One loss after another
QSix months ago my darling son died aged 36. Then my nephew was killed by a bus. My partner of six years dumped me for another woman a month ago out of the blue – so I’ve lost three people dear to me in the past few months. I really don’t know where to turn. I feel dazed and unhappy. Mary, York
AYou poor, poor thing. I hope you have lots of friends who are rallying round – but even friends can’t make up for the closeness of day-to-day partners or blood relations. So do contact Cruse, that wonderful organisation that helps bereaved people. I know so many people who’ve made a face when I’ve suggested it, saying they don’t want to talk to a stranger; but when they try, they often come away saying it was the best thing they’ve ever done. A Cruse counsellor can’t bring back the people you’ve lost, but they can offer sympathy and kindness; and because they’re so experienced they can help with ways of coping with bereavement.
QEnds and means
Everyone I know says that when they become incapable they’ll go on the dark web and get a pill and end their life, but I’ve looked into it and it’s not so easy. What pill? How many? And how do you get on to the dark web?
AName and address supplied The way to get onto the dark web is the way to do anything these days: ask Google. Very simple. But for heaven’s sake don’t go down that route. Two books, The Peaceful Pill Handbook by Philp Nitschke, of Exit International, and Five Last Acts by Chris Docker will give you all the information you need. There are many right-to-die organisations; Dignity in Dying being the mildest, only campaigning for a right to be helped to die at the very, very end of life; My Death, My Decision, more radical; and Exit International, the most radical. There is a strong argument for saying that just possessing the means to end your own life, or at least knowing how to do it, makes it far less likely that you will ever use it.
My mother accuses me
QMy mother, who’s 70, often loses things, and the first thing she imagines is that someone’s stolen them. She’s often accusing me of taking things when I go to visit, and it’s quite hurtful. When she finds them, as she inevitably does, she just laughs. Gina, by email
AI had a mother-in-law who did this – and I’m horrified, now, to find that my first reaction, on losing something is to imagine someone’s pinched it. It’s only by gripping hard to reality that I can say to myself: ‘Stop it! You’re imagining it!’ Perhaps you should make a joke of it with your mother and remind her of the dozens of times she’s found her items – as well as adding, of course, that you feel hurt when she accuses you. Do your best to reassure her kindly that it’s all in her mind.
READERS RESPOND
A number of readers said they too had received the horrible scam about pornography (November issue). Even a couple of women! All paid no attention and never heard anything more. Ian Monro pointed out that no one need go as far as destroying their computer – unless they have something to hide – and that it would be sensible to download an anti-scamming programme from the likes of www.malwarebytes.com.