School Days

Today I lay down on the floor in the middle of a lesson. It was an act of heroism, I must tell you.

Although my floor is hoovered every evening, by lunchtime it is again really disgusting. It looks rather like a pub floor in the 1970s – without the beer, to be fair, but with more holes than a lace doily.

Unfortunately it did not have the right effect – at least on the student at which it was aimed. And it was rather harder to get up with any dignity than I was expecting. Perhaps that should be a test of whether you should retire from teaching – can you stand up after lying down on the floor to prove a point? I’ve a few years left in me – just.

Why did I compromise my cleanliness and dignity? Because I believe that, to have any effect in the classroom, you must be prepared to surprise the children, even to shock them.

The reason for my lying down was that, in a totally silent room in which most of the class was attempting a timed essay, one girl was just lying on the table with her head in her arms.

I went over to ask if she needed help – I wasn’t even telling her off, for the love of God, but she did not respond. She just lay there. I couldn’t even see if she was looking sulky but you can bet your bottom dollar she was.

So I lay on the floor beside her desk, ankles crossed, hands folded over my chest. I probably looked like an unlikely corpse, to be honest. And I waited for her to notice. Needless to say, it was some of the other children who noticed first. I heard the whispering, and then ‘Miss are you all right? What are you doing?’ ‘I’m making a point.’ Baffled silence. ‘What is the point about?’ ‘Manners.’ Now this was obviously not the approach they were expecting. I’d put her name on the warnings board for refusal to work. I’d told her I was giving her a few minutes to pick up her pen and continue work. But then, instead of sending her off to isolation, which is the next step, I lay down on the floor.

‘The point,’ I articulated clearly from my prone position, ‘is that it’s really rude to have a conversation with someone when you’re lying down. Unless you’re in bed, of course.’ (Say it before they do and the sniggering has no effect).

It worked. She looked up. She had to, really. And, once her head was up, I rose as elegantly as I could (I was more elegant on the filthy floor, to be honest) and gave her a pointer as to what she could put next in her essay. And, best of all, she had a go.

I don’t think this technique has featured in any educational blog or research. And I have to admit I’m quite glad my head teacher didn’t walk in to find me flat on my back. But, as I say, it worked.