Gyles Brandreth's Diary
My loneliness cure – wine, women and the full horror of Love Island
I went to meet a senior television executive at his swish Kensington offices the other day and found him in quite a state.
The office junior – a young lad in his early twenties – had just been to see him to complain about ‘the very rude old lady in reception’.
Apparently, all the office junior had done was ask the elderly visitor for her name so that he could print a security badge for her. This, according to the lad, had provoked an unseemly outburst of anger from the old woman, which, as far as he was concerned, was ‘bang out of order’. The office junior was now demanding action from his boss and an apology from the old lady.
My friend the senior TV executive agreed, and returned to reception with the office junior. There they found the old lady still waiting, still fuming.
It was the great Barbra Streisand, 77, understandably indignant that the office junior had misspelt her first name ‘Barbara’.
Just as it is incumbent on the young starting out in a business to be aware of those who have gone before, I think we oldies, too, have a duty to stay up to speed with what the now generation is up to.
I was the guest on a BBC TV teatime quiz show this month with a young woman called Scarlett Moffatt. No, you may not have heard of her – I hadn’t. But she’s huge (with ten times the number of followers that I have on Twitter), delightful and clever.
I started out as a scholar at Oxford University; she started out as a checkout girl at Asda; but, in that teatime TV quiz, she beat me fair and square.
She came to fame as a regular on Channel 4’s Gogglebox (the show that shows folk watching TV and stars The Oldie’s very own Giles Wood and Mary Killen) and then won ITV’S I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!
I have just completed six weeks as a regular on Celebrity Gogglebox and it has been an education. I have seen programmes I would never have dared to watch at home (such as Naked Attraction where, believe it or not, young people who have never met before show one another their most intimate private parts and comment on them) and been introduced to personalities previously unknown to me but to whom I find I’m curiously drawn (such as the former model Rylan Clark-neal, ex of The X Factor and winner of Celebrity Big Brother).
Some of the programmes I watched were rubbish. My Gay Dog and Other Animals was the worst, closely followed by another pseudo-scientific documentary which featured walruses mating – in high definition. But I loved the experience overall, not only because it took me out of my viewing comfort zone, but more so because it meant I spent cosy evenings in front of the box (and a hidden camera) in the company of my friend the actress Sheila Hancock. Watching TV with a friend is much more fun than watching it alone. Not wishing to encroach on our revered Agony Aunt’s territory, can I suggest that if you suffer from occasional bouts of loneliness, you invite a friend over for a telly evening?
The two of you, a bottle of wine, a bowl of snacks and the full horror of Love Island… Go for it! Why not?
I did some filming recently with Newsnight’s retired inquisitor Jeremy Paxman. He still hosts University Challenge and we met on the morning after he had recorded a celebrity version on which the contestants had included the former Home Secretary and Leader of the Conservative Party Michael Howard. ‘He turned out to be a really nice bloke,’ gasped Paxo in amazement.
It is easy to get the wrong impression of people if you only ever see the public persona. Until the other day I thought Alan Sugar – Lord Sugar of Amstrad – was a rather unpleasant, shouty, professional barrow boy. That’s how he comes across to me whenever I catch sight of him on his TV show The Apprentice.
Then, hosting a conference for entrepreneurs, I found myself chatting to him for an hour and felt I’d rarely met a more civilised, courteous and amusing human being. Reckoned the 95th-richest person in Britain, he has made a billionplus fortune – so I asked him for the secret of success in business. He said simply, ‘Do what you love and do what you know.’
We were in Bridlington in Yorkshire and he generously offered to give me a lift back to London in his private plane. He flies it himself and he told me I needn’t be anxious: the plane has its own parachute. Yes, if anything goes wrong, the plane itself triggers a huge parachute which lets it descend safely to the ground.
Who wants to be a billionaire? Now, I think, perhaps I do.