Ask Virginia Ironside
My poor Extinction Rebel
QMy grandson of 12 is extremely worried about all the fuss around Extinction Rebellion and is terrified the world is going to end. I don’t think my children – his parents – help because they are always joining him on protests and talking about saving the planet.
I wish I could help him, but he wants me to come on marches with him and he’s convinced the end is nigh. He often cries about it when he’s with me. Bella by email
AMy own view is that every generation needs an apocalyptic fear to give their lives meaning. When I was young, I was convinced during the Cuban crisis that the world would end. Then we were all panicked about nuclear war. Before that, everyone was worried about going to hell.
I feel very strongly that your role as an adult is to reassure your grandson, not fan the flames of his anxiety. You are the grown-up, after all, and you’ve seen these mad panics come and go. Boys of around 11 to 15 are anyway particularly susceptible to this kind of worry. It’s known as separation anxiety, and it comes on them at a moment when they suddenly realise they will, at some point, have to leave home.
QKindle new tastes
I was given a Kindle by my daughter-in-law for Christmas. It was very kind of her but the problem is that I really can’t work it out – and anyway I prefer books, particularly as I’m having a bit of trouble reading. (I’m 75.) Shall I just pretend I’m enjoying it or admit that I find it baffling? The problem is that after I’d opened it, she said, ‘Well, now that’s your Christmas present solved for years to come – I’ll just order you books to download!’
AName and address supplied Before you donate this to the charity shop, have a think. Not only does a Kindle provide the extra light you need to be able to read as you get older, but also on a Kindle you can enlarge the font. Even if you don’t need that now, it could be a useful feature in future. Remember too that lettering with serifs is apparently easier to read than text without. In a year or so, you may well find yourself overcoming your distaste for a Kindle and be rather grateful to your daughter-in-law. As for finding it complicated, get a nice grandchild to explain it to you. Even I can work a Kindle and if I can, any fule can.
East or west, home is best
QI am in the interesting situation of having a ‘limited horizon’ (two years max) owing to a lung condition which makes breathing difficult. I am on an oxygen generator 24/7. When they learn of this, friends and relatives express their intention to ‘visit me’. This is the last thing I want. Visits are tiring. Talking is tiring. I am very lucky indeed to have a large, convenient downstairs room in my younger daughter and son-in-law’s house, with their three boys aged 13, 11 and 8. Life goes on around me. North Cumbria has put its best foot forward with ‘hospice at home’ visits and palliative care nurses. Best of all is someone who has been trained to take an oral life history – exactly what I have been looking for. About once a day, I wonder aloud to my daughter how other old people manage living on their own. Elizabeth by email
AOn the whole, such people are exceptionally depressed and lonely. As you say, visits are tiring – my rule is that no one should ever visit anyone who is ill for longer than a quarter of an hour – and to be surrounded by a bustling family must make life, even though it hardly seems it, worth living. Even if you are stuck in a corner, it’s better, surely, to be cared for in a loving home – a real home – than to be pushed off into an institution unless, of course, you need special care.
If only more families could take this on board.
Oldies are wiser
QI have a proposal to make. Everyone is so keen on positive discrimination and diversity these days – why not make a rule that 25 per cent of any board of directors must be 70 or over to prevent ageist discrimination? We oldies have such experience and wisdom; it’s such a shame to waste us.
AM Lockworth by email I think that’s an absolutely brilliant idea. Perhaps we could form an Oldies Alliance that would pressure the government for older teachers, older plumbers – older everything.
Please email me your problems at problempage@theoldie.co.uk – I will answer every email that comes in; and let me know if you would like your dilemma to be confidential.