The Guest from Hell

QJust before we were locked up, an old artist friend of my husband’s occasionally stayed with us – always telling us at the last minute – as we live near to where he has an occasional job.

We didn’t enjoy having him to stay as he invariably arrived drunk, and insisted on smoking – albeit outside – and left a mess. He always made my husband feel bad because he’d say, ‘Don’t go to any trouble! Just a rough blanket and I’ll sleep on the floor!’

This is not how we operate at all and we were relieved when his work was curtailed by COVID. But now he’s started asking to stay again. How can we tactfully say we don’t like this arrangement? S J, Hastings

ANext time he comes to stay, guide him to the spare room where you have made up a bed specially, with fresh flowers, tissues, clean sheets etc. Make him a very nice breakfast with fresh orange juice. Make it clear that organising this has been exhausting and has put you out, but accept it cheerfully.

Ask what date he plans to come again as you like to be prepared.

‘Since COVID, we really like to feel in control and have proper notice and make things nice,’ you can explain. I suspect he’ll feel so guilty he won’t want to put you to so much trouble again.

If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to turn him down with the excuse that you’re both ill and infectious. You don’t have to say with what.