VIRGINIA IRONSIDE

Kissing and telling

QOn the subject of kissing, I have a revulsion of kissing on the mouth. I am in my sixties, a widower, affectionate with problem cuddling serious is and and she relationship prospects close have is all intimacies, formed for of kissing with marriage. an a most and widow, of The which the mouth. I can I tolerate, feel a strong except desire kissing to wipe on my lips after the salivary contact. My late wife wasn’t very physically demonstrative – so we didn’t have any difficulties there. However, I am worried my ladyfriend might consider me a cold fish if I told her and would be put off the relationship. Is there anything I could do about it? I would hate to see her go. Name and address supplied

AThe about first this. thing Kissing to do can is to be tell done her everywhere and not only on the mouth – and it doesn’t have to be with your mouth open. If she really finds that frustrating, then all you can do is to see if you can find a psychologist who’ll help you get over what is only a mild phobia. If it means a lot to your friend, and you can be seen to be trying to overcome the problem, she’ll surely admire you rather than shun you. Most of us have odd sexual preferences – some minor, like yours, and others huge, which can cause problems. Thank your lucky stars you don’t have some weird and embarrassing kink that would make her feel really queasy.

Benefits of subtitles

QI want to share this tip with other readers. My grandson is six and has been finding it very difficult to read. I read recently that it can make a difference if when children are watching television, the subtitles are put on. I have to say it’s had a profound effect on my grandson.

ASteph, Banbury And if you’re sitting next to him, point out some of the words as well, which will make even more of a difference. His spelling is bound to improve at the same time, if he’s constantly exposed to correct spellings, and generally, if he has to watch television, it’s much better for him to watch with the subtitles on than with them off. Of course, on granny days, telly should be kept to a minimum, but sometimes we all need a break and gratefully reach for the box.

Will I spot Alzheimer’s?

QI stave off Alzheimer’s by being secretary of a local society, and I am editor of a regional journal, and I go to the theatre, opera and cinema. I have made my will and a lasting power of attorney and tried to talk to my family about when I’m not here, but they don’t want to know, saying it won’t happen, but of course it will! What I want to know, and probably many others do too, is what happens next? When will I notice things are not going as well as they should, that my faculties are fading and that maybe I shouldn’t be driving any more? Will people tell me, and will I listen? Will my writing become incoherent, my sentences unfinished, my memories fading? Will I go with a bang or with a whimper? Sandra, Kent

AIf I could tell you this, I’d be a rich woman. You obviously like control over your life, but one of the reasons the end of life is so utterly grisly is precisely because of its ghastly uncertainty. Generally, because of genetic factors, you’re far more likely to suffer if your parents suffered. I’m afraid you can do crosswords till the cows come home and it won’t make a lot of difference, if any. Alzheimer’s doesn’t come on one day suddenly with a bang and it sounds as if you’ve got quite enough self-awareness to spot when you’re starting to lose the plot. If not, it really won’t affect you. I would take steps to exit stage left before you get to this point but, of course, it’s easier said than done.

Cruel excuse for break-up

QMy daughter and her boyfriend stayed with me during the last lockdown. I thought we got on OK and I cooked for them a lot, but we all had our separate areas of living. However, now they’ve moved out and my daughter suddenly tells me that her boyfriend, who wanted to marry her a year ago, has suddenly changed his mind because he’s frightened that when she grows older, she’ll change into someone like me. I find this very hard to cope with because I thought we’d always got on well. Shall I confront him?

BR, by email

AWhat a very cruel thing to say! It sounds as if this bloke is flailing around for reasons to explain why he’s got cold feet. Is he suddenly terrified? Has he fallen for someone else? Those are much more plausible reasons than this ludicrous excuse. And it’s easier to blame you than your daughter. Or, more likely, himself.

Please email me your problems at problempage@theoldie.co.uk; I will answer every email – and let me know if you’d like your dilemma to be confidential.