Trapped by my family’s fear

QI live with my brother and father, both of whom have been shielding for the last two years as they both have chronic lung conditions – an inherited thing. I, on the other hand, have escaped the problem, and have always led an incredibly busy and sociable life. My problem is that even though all the restrictions have been lifted, my brother and father are terrified of getting any kind of infection and have decided, as far as I can see, to isolate themselves for ever. I have been feeling more and more trapped and frustrated, to the point of feeling extremely angry and inhibited because, effectively, I am imprisoned in my own home as a result of their illnesses. If I’d lived alone, my attitude to the pandemic would have been very different. I would have behaved cautiously, but gone out more, socialised more. It seems I’ll never break free from the constraints of this situation, whatever virus is or isn’t around, and I think I might go mad if it continues much longer, because I just can’t see a way out. I love my family, but they are ruining my life.

Hilary G, Exeter

AI’m afraid lots of people seem to be trapped in a cycle of fear – even perfectly healthy people. They’re like those budgerigars in cages. Open the cage door and invite them to fly free and they shake their little feathered heads and hop back to the security of their cuttlefish and bottled water. My view is that life is for living, and a life of permanent shielding is no life at all. All you can do is either move out or live your life separately by dividing your home in some way – or else, very gradually, by starting to socialise more and, drip by drip, persuading them that though there is a risk in socialising and getting out and about, there always has been and there always will be a risk. Life without social contact is barely worth living – at least that’s my view. Your brother and father aren’t going to change – so the onus is on you. The biggest change will be in accepting that if by any chance they do catch something and fall ill, it will not be specifically your fault. You might need to go and see a counsellor to help you come to terms with this – it’s a big one to cope with on your own.