Rwanda: A bird’s eye view of misguided schemes

AHOY there, my feathered friends and bipedal buddies! It’s your seaside commentator, Stephen Seagull, here to dive into the political currents swirling around our picturesque coast. This week, we’re flapping over the choppy waters of the Rwanda scheme, a policy initiative that Prime Minister Rishi Sunak hopes might just secure his electoral nest against upcoming storms. But if we squawk back to the past, particularly to the pre-Brexit days of David Cameron, we might uncover why this plan could end up more adrift than a piece of driftwood at high tide.

Let’s stretch our wings and glide back to the times of David Cameron, before the big Brexit squall hit our shores. Cameron, much like a diligent gull scouring the beach for chips, worked tirelessly to renegotiate Britain’s EU membership deal. Yet, as any seasoned gull will tell you, effort doesn’t always mean a full belly! Voters aren’t looking for a politician who merely tries; they’re searching for leaders who deliver the goods. And Cameron, unfortunately, came back with a beak full of promises unkept. He presented an “emergency brake” on EU migration—a mechanism as effective as using a feather to stop a rolling crab pot. Promises of halting free movement were left flapping in the wind, much to the electorate’s dismay.

Fast forward to the present, and it appears Prime Minister Sunak is flapping his wings down the same gusty path with his Rwanda deportation plan. Sure, managing to get that first plane off the ground would be a feather in his cap, but it won’t stem the tide of boats crossing the channel. The number of deportees Rwanda has agreed to take is but a mere drop in the ocean.

Our current PM seems to be pecking at the immigration issue without truly daring to disrupt the established pecking order. As a gull who’s an expert at dodging both waves and wayward beach umbrellas, I can tell you—that’s no way to secure a satisfying meal! And the voters, sharpeyed and ever watchful, are likely to judge harshly. They demand tangible results, not fleeting efforts that serve only to plump up GDP figures on paper.

Moreover, there’s a storm brewing on the horizon with Downing Street potentially aiming to make the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) the next scapegoat. But my fellow gulls, as any bird braving the coastal winds knows, engaging in a battle over arcane constitutional policy is akin to trying to feast on seaweed when what you really crave is a plump, juicy fish!

In addition, whispers from the corridors of power suggest that some in Downing Street had anticipated, perhaps even hoped, that the legislation would falter, allowing them to frame an election narrative around those obstructing their plans in the House of Lords rather than facing the electorate on the actual results of their policies.

So, as the political winds howl and the sea of public opinion roils, keep your eyes on the horizon. Will the Rwanda scheme be the wind beneath Sunak’s wings, or will it be the gale that sends him spiraling into the political brine? Time will tell, but one thing is certain—in the world of politics, as in the art of flight, it’s not merely the flapping that counts; it’s how gracefully you land.

Until next tide, keep your feathers fluffed, your wings ready, and your eyes on the prize (or fries)!