AN­I­MAL HATE SPEECH A LOT OF BULL

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book called 101 Uses For AT Christ­mas in 1981 I got a car­toon a Dead Cat. It fea­tured macabre sketches of de­ceased fe­lines trans­formed into toi­let brushes, toast racks and desk­top pen­cil sharp­en­ers. It was hi­lar­i­ous and be­came a global best­seller. But I won­der what the sen­si­tive flow­ers of an­i­mal rights char­ity PETA would have to say about those cat corpse gags now? Be­cause they’ve been urg­ing ev­ery­one to stop us­ing an­i­mal hate speech. We need to drop many cen­turies-old English id­ioms be­cause they “per­pet­u­ate vi­o­lence to­wards an­i­mals”. So, in­stead of “bring­ing home the ba­con” we should be “bring­ing home the bagels”. “Flog­ging a dead horse” should be­come “feed­ing a fed horse” and you now “take the flower by the thorns” not “the bull by the horns”. What a load of old kitty lit­ter. We’re even sup­posed to say ”there’s more than one way to peel a potato” – be­cause “skin­ning a cat” is too grim. Hmm. 101 Uses For a Peeled King Ed­ward? That’s never go­ing to be a smash.

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