Alongside Mother Nature

I had created life before, and now I would do it all again – on my new allotment!

FEBRUARY 18. I took on an allotment today. You would have been proud of me. When I went to see it, I was a bit shocked. Mother Nature had tried to reclaim it!

There were trailing brambles everywhere, and tall grass up to my knees.

I almost gave up, but then I thought of you and what you would think of me if I walked away. So I shook Jeff’s hand and told him I’d take it.

He looked surprised. So was I.

February 20.

I hired a rotavator. It digs over the soil and is meant to save you the backbreaking work of digging.

When I turned up with it, I could see one or two of the other allotmenteers give me a look, and after an hour or two of struggling with it myself, I turned it off to have a cup of tea.

As I appraised what I’d achieved so far, a guy came up to me from the allotment next to mine. Lucas. Handsome chap, very tall and strong with gorgeous eyes and a nice smile. I think you’d have liked him.

Anyway, he offered to show me how to control it properly and finished the rest of the work for me! I was so relieved. Nice chap.

February 28.

They have a skip at the allotment that anyone can put rubbish in, so I used the wheelbarrow to empty out all the rubbish the previous owner had left. I kept a little birdhouse, though, covered in cobwebs.

I fixed it up, painting it a nice blue colour.

I attached it to the outside of my shed and wondered what type of bird would make it their home.

Lucas was there. He said I’d done a grand job of it and took a picture on his phone. He said he’d send it to me, if I gave him my e-mail address.

That night, I opened my e-mail and Lucas had sent me the picture, along with a letter about his garden and one or two pictures of that.

He’s very talented as well as handsome!

March 3.

It rained last night and gale force winds blew in. When I woke up, one of my fence panels was down and I was worried about the allotment because I’d put up some beanpoles.

I drove down there and my shed had collapsed. The window was broken and my birdhouse crushed.

Lucas arrived to check on his own plot and he put an arm around my shoulder and comforted me. The beanpoles had survived, fortunately, and after a cup of tea, I left for home to order myself a new shed.

I wasn’t going to let this beat me.

March 10.

The new shed is lovely. Lucas helped me paint it, and when we were done he gave me a small box, tied with a bow.

Inside lay a brand-new birdhouse, painted blue. “You did this?” I asked. I kissed him on the cheek and squeezed him into a hug. He blushed a little.

We put up the birdhouse on the shed and for the first time since you left, I felt brighter.

March 15.

I’ve been trying to get to the allotment every day. There’s something about the way it makes me feel, seeing my hours there progress into something tangible and pleasing.

I didn’t think I could feel this way again. Happy.

I’m making friends and I’m making things grow. I’m creating life; it’s thriving.

Though I had that setback a few weeks back, I’ve persevered. Pushed through the hard times, like new life pushing through the soil to reach the light.

Lucas and I have made arrangements to work together. He’s always keen to get his hands in the soil at the end of each day, and I’m always keen to see him.

He makes me smile. Makes me feel warm inside.

I never thought I’d be able to smile again. Losing you was the most terrible thing ever to happen to me. Not only did I lose you, but I lost your father, too. He couldn’t deal with losing our child and walked away.

He needed an outlet for his grief. We

both did.

I’ve found mine. Here.

June 8.

I have flowers! The allotment is not only a riot of colour, but I also have vegetables growing, almost ready to harvest. I never knew I could feel so proud of something I grew myself.

I picked my first strawberry today and it was the most wonderful thing I have ever tasted! I shared some with Lucas.

We sat there, laughing at my wonderment at what I’d achieved, when Lucas leaned over to kiss me.

He tasted of strawberry and my heart went pitterpat!

July 1.

Lucas and I see each other often. He’s a great cook and we bring vegetables and fruit from the allotments to make dinner. Everything tastes better than the stuff you get in the shops.

We’re getting on so well. I’ve decided to tell him about you, and about what happened, because if we’re to be serious, he needs to know. You’re an important part of my life. You always will be.

July 14.

I’m getting married! Lucas proposed and I said yes. Who would have believed that this would happen? Certainly not me.

The last seven months have changed me, and all because I decided to focus my grief on something. The work of an allotment gave me something to focus on, other than the pain I’d been carrying inside.

I created life! I created you, and I transformed that wasteland of weeds and thistles into a thriving piece of ground.

Blue tits had babies in the birdhouse and my love for Lucas grew from friendship. From camaraderie. From struggle.

This time next year, I’ll be saying, “I do.”

And it was all because of you.

The fruit of my labour. n